Saturday, November 21, 2009

OH. MY. GOD!


After dinner tonight, I went to the bathroom. I ate a bunch of fried shrimp, so it makes sense that I'd have to go. So I'm sitting there, and have this sensation that something is going to fall out of my vagina. It's sorta like when you have a tampon that needs to come out, and you know it's full of blood. You tug on the string a little bit, and usually it falls right out.

Well, I had that same feeling, only no tampon. I can feel whatever it is coming out of me, but it's having a hard time. So I sort of stand up, and wiggle, and I feel it moving, but it's not coming out. So I reach for it, tug it out, and end up tossing a four inch long, two and a half inch wide, six inch diameter hunk of dead tumor into the bathtub. Talk about awe inspiring and disgusting!!! I took several pictures of it, because this is the biggest chunk of dead tumor to pop out of me yet.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

So My Pain is Funny, Eh?

Called my surgeon to get a refill on my steroids. They were the only thing that kept me going this past week. I had bad abdominal pain late Halloween night/early Sunday morning, so I indulged. I was told when I got another dose that this was my LAST one. My surgeon said he had three refills, so I should have at least one more.

So I called today, and they said he had prescribed it for three cycles only. So I get the first batch, I get the second batch, but there is no third batch. I talk to the nurse, and reiterate my symptoms (nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, extreme fatigue, loss of appetite, weight loss (16 pounds so far) and she just kinda chuckled and said she'd talk to the doctor about it.

They want to do a cat scan, but I just had one at the hospital, along with blood tests, which according to Dupont Hospital, revealed nothing wrong. So why the abdominal pains so bad I couldn't roll over in bed for several minutes? Why the exhaustion? Why the lack of appetite? Why do I vomit a couple times a month on my cycle?

And why does the nurse think my suffering is funny? I wish to hell I'd had some warning I was going to feel this miserable AFTER the surgery. At least I would have known. Yes, I do look thinner, and I AM thinner, but the putty colored ooze streaming from my vagina, necessitating wearing maxi pads 24/7, is gross. It's also causing chafing in my genital area, since it's in contact with this goo and blood and tumor chunks all the time.

Fuck.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Magnificent Obsession




I know I've been writing about my tumor dying, but I'm obsessed with it and what my body is going through. I had a four week period, and three weeks of abdominal pain, which eventually went away.

However, it came roaring back last Saturday night/early Sunday morning. The pain was so bad, I couldn't move for a few minutes. Robert drove me to the emergency room, where it took a mere four hours to get pain meds. A cat scan and blood work showed no problems. I told one of the nurses I was afraid I had cancer. It kinda makes sense: no appetite, weight loss, lethargy, so I thought I'd better get checked out.

So I took the steroids the surgeon provided for me, and that is keeping me functioning, while bumping up my appetite a bit. I still don't feel like eating much, though.

But my body seems violently opposed to my tumor dying. Mind-bending pain, vomiting (this morning) diarrhea (also this morning) and a stomach ache early this evening made a frustrating day not much better.

The photo is one of the more recent impressive ones of my tumor. It sort of looks like a turd made out of brains, but this slid out of me a few days ago into my toilet at home. I may do a photo exhibit of this and other photos.