Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Men Are Pussies

While watching a YouTube video, I made a comment. It basically said that men are delusional, and mistakenly think if a woman smiles at them, the woman immediately wants to have sex with them.

Whoo! Just that comment had four people (probably men) calling me an asshole, saying no one wants me either (like I care) and someone with poor grammar who couldn't even spell my name right saying I look like I smell like shit, or something.

Men. Such fragile creatures. I also said something on Facebook a few months ago, and one of my "friends" had a total freak out about it. Of course, this was someone I'd never met. A "friend" of a "friend." Oh yes. I made a comment about a co-worker who had broken up with her boyfriend, and I told her she "deserved better." The guy on Facebook went all PMS on me, asking why it's okay for women to say that to women, but if the guy says he "deserves better," he's seen as a jerk.

Such touchy men out there. But I guess it's justified. Men are losing their places in America. I mean, I listen to men at my weekend job who go on and on about their video games, and how "intense" a certain game is and how "awesome" it all is until I think I've stumbled into the super nerd table at Northrop High School during lunch. I guess, since men have given up, the only thing you have left is video games, and your video game playing buddies, and lots of Doritos and Mountain Dew. While your ass is getting fatter and you grow paler, women are out there going to school, getting more degrees than you have, making more money, and generally having lives and accomplishing things. Why should we hook up with guys who can't talk about anything but Worlds of Warcraft and Call of Duty all fucking day long? And why should I settle for someone who talks like a 14 year old boy?

And I'm smart enough to know that if a man is courteous to me, that does NOT mean he wants to have sex with me.

Monday, November 26, 2012

I Prefer Cash

I was given a Target gift card today. Just in time, too, because it's one of those lean weeks where I will probably have to dip into my emergency fund for some bullshit amount like $35 or so.

So, since I needed gas, I used it at a gas station. I just bought $5.01 worth of gas, because I wanted a snack at McDonald's. I figured I'd have $19.99 left for snacks, pet food and whatever else I thought I needed.

I order, then hand over the card. Declined. Since I want my snack, I go to the bank and check my balances. I head to another McDonalds's and give them the gift card. Declined. So I give my credit union card and get my food.

Since the card worked at the gas station, I decide I might just as well put the rest of the gift card into my car. Declined again. WTF?

So I get online and find out that the gas station is going to hold the entire amount of the card (a preauthorization fee) for anywhere from three to seven days until the transaction of $5.01 goes through. Nice.

I predict that gift cards will become the currency of the future. I would not be surprised if companies paid everyone in gift cards.

Which is why cash is king. Cash does not crash, it's never declined, and people in foreign countries will eagerly accept it. Yes, the American dollar has seen better days, but pretty much no one questions a cash transaction, unless it's for a huge amount, like several thousand dollars.

So now I have to wait a few days until I can use the card. I guess in a way this will curb my spending, but it's a little depressing to think that a $5.01 transaction is a full $25, until a few days from now.

I am a guinea pig for a local research outfit. They used to pay me with checks. Someone connected with the research group split and started their own group. This new research group pays people in gift cards. Part of it is a tax thing, one of the staffers explained to me. At least I can choose which gift cards I can be paid in, but if they switch exclusively to Wal-mart gift cards, I will have to make a decision. Continue to be a guinea pig, and accept cards I can only use at Wal-mart, or donate them to a charity. Because I hate Wal-mart.

But don't think it can't happen. We are turning into a gift card nation. And I wouldn't be surprised if we are paid in plastic one of these days. And they can "preauthorize" purchases, so just realize that the $5.01 you put in your tank is going to be noted as a purchase on the ENTIRE balance of the card, until the transaction goes through.

Happy future to you too!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

On This Thanksgiving Eve

So my plans for the three days I have off at Thanksgiving were to clean a little and just sit around the house and have a nice dinner and watch movies. I should have gone to the library, because a trip to Delmar was disappointing, then a trip to Super Mega Replay was even more disappointing. There was really not much I wanted to rent or buy. I did find some stuff to buy, but I really, REALLY wanted "Inside Deep Throat" "Exit Through the Gift Shop" and "Secretariat." I could have rented "Exit" last night, I guess, but I didn't. Anyway, I liked Super Mega Replay (used to be Disc Replay) better when it was smaller. Now, it seems like it's chock full of crappy movies. Or maybe I'm just in a shitty mood, but it really did seem like if it's totally mainstream, they have TONS of it. Which is why I should have just gone to the downtown library and picked up some mind-bending shit.

But yeah, I'm just about broke this Thanksgiving Eve, feel like I have no family, but whatev. I have plenty of good food, if I can just keep from throwing it up. Discipline--I'm a food addict, love the Coca-Cola, love the Pepsi, but they love me no more, particularly late at night.

It's time to get serious--radical diet change. All health food. Maybe go vegetarian. Tired of being fat, so I need to do something about it. I want a great looking body.

But here's what I'm thankful for. A warm house, plenty of food, a comfy bed, a dog and a cat. I'm employed, for now. I can't possibly ask for more, at this time in the world. I would wish for the 1990s back, but those days are gone, and I need to make the future great.

And I need to get through "Factory Girl." The other movie I rented was "Basic Instinct," which I've seen before and I enjoyed. But FG is a little disjointed. And it's sort of hard to feel sorry for wealthy girls with fucked up families who end up getting hooked on drugs. Isn't everyone's family fucked up in some way? I guess in a way our families prepare us for the world. If we can't survive our families, we won't survive in the world.

Or will we?

Friday, November 16, 2012

The Death of Twinkies and the Dangers of Food Addiction

Americans are crying right now--Hostess is bankrupt, no more Twinkies, Ho Hos and so forth. I really doubt that these snack cakes are going anywhere. Hostess may be no more, but do you really think Twinkies are going to go away? They may no longer be HOSTESS Twinkies, but I am willing to bet that brand will be snapped up by someone.

Remember Bun bars? You probably don't, if you are not a Fort Wayne native. But I was completely hooked on these things, and I can remember buying a snack size bag before Halloween, and eating them in my bed. These candy bars came in a variety of flavors. My favorite was vanilla. The vanilla center was then covered with chocolate and peanuts. I loved them. If you've ever eaten a Reggie bar (named after Reggie Jackson) back in the 70s, they were about the same as the Bun bar.

Then, they stopped making the Bun bar. Or rather, Clark bought the bar, which had been made by Wayne Bun Candy Company, based in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Clark then sold to Pearson's, and it was a pleasant surprise when I actually came across the Bun bar after I thought it was lost forever. It was a nice bit of nostalgia, and I was glad to know they were around, but when they first disappeared, my life did not end. My life did NOT end.

Sure, I was disappointed, but there's so much food out there, so much candy, that I just DEALT with it. It was the same thing when Chen's went out of business. That restaurant played a huge part in my childhood. We ate there for family dinners, we got take out from there, and we had our cast party from "Anything Goes" there. When they closed, yes, it was the end of an era, but there are other Chinese restaurants in town, and in time, my mother discovered one that serves actual food and is not one of the numerous buffets in town.

I used to go to Hardee's to get their ham and swiss sandwich combo. God, it was fabulous! I'd order that with large fries and a large Coke. God knows how many pounds that added to my already heavy frame. But they went of business too. At least here in Fort Wayne. I am not sure where the nearest Hardee's is.

And if they somehow stopped making Pepsi Cola and Coca-Cola, I am not sure if I would be upset about that. Because I am a food addict, and I know for damn sure I am a colaholic. I've gone weeks, even months, without drinking soda, but then I will have just one and I'll be back on the wagon. However, I can't drink soda like I used to. The other night, I stopped to have McDonald's (what I really wanted, which was Pizza Hut, was closed) and I topped that off with more Coca-Cola, plus a bag of Kroger brand cheddar cheese popcorn. That snack was recommended to me by a Facebook friend as a good substitute for Oke-Doke brand popcorn, which I can't find around here. I either have to order a whole case of it, or drive to a major city to find it. Occasionally, I CAN find it here in town, but it's sporadic.

But I'm finding that food doesn't taste as good anymore, and I can't eat as much. Earlier this summer, my appetite nearly shut down to nothing. Nothing really tasted good, and if I did eat, it was an astonishingly small amount. I chalked it up to depression. But I made an important discovery. I noticed that this summer I felt anxious for some reason. I couldn't figure out what it was. I vowed to eat better. I cut back on the junk food and started exercising more. And gradually, the anxious feeling that I would have when I first got up started to go away. There were days when I actually felt good and excited about the day. I finally, finally made the connection. Trash eating was affecting my mood. Also, I had developed a sensitivity to acidic food. I'd woken up nauseated for the past year or so, and would throw up. I never made the connection until recently, when I had breakfast for lunch one day. I had some orange juice, and the next day I woke up nauseated, and I threw up. Aha, I thought. So I had brunch with a friend on a Sunday, had orange juice again, and I threw up the next morning. Since I was eating tomatoes in the summer, that explained why I'd been throwing up then, and hadn't thrown up in weeks, because I was no longer eating tomatoes.

I remember when I was 12 or so, I would eat 6 or 7 tacos from Taco Bell every Saturday. Now, three tacos fill me up. I don't eat nearly as much as I did when I was a kid, but now I'm overweight. Even obese. I'm right on the borderline. It scares me, because heart problems, diabetes and cancer run in my family. I'm trying to exercise for at least 20 minutes a day, on average. I'm cutting back on the junk food. I need to cut it out entirely, because I want to sculpt my body into something I am proud of. I could be a walking time bomb, for all I know. That tumor that was growing in my uterus could have been the result of so much junk food over time. I am pretty sure now that junk food was probably a huge factor in my being depressed when I was younger. There were probably other factors, as well, but food was probably the main factor. And no doctor asked me about my diet. They just prescribed me pills and later ointment, for that rash that never seemed to go away, until I cut back on sugary foods and started taking some supplements. I got that out of a magazine. The doctor said of my rash, that it could be one of several hundred things causing it. He never once asked me what I ate. And when I found out what was causing it, I was astonished that it could be so easy.

While I was writing this, I got up to get myself a slice of cake. I cut the piece, and put it on a plate. As I was getting ready to put the rest of the cake away, it slid off the plastic tray it was on and landed on the floor, icing side down. I'd only taken two slices out of the cake, and the rest of it was now ruined. I sort of think that's appropriate, somehow.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The Forgotten Women

It's Election Night, 2012, and yes, I've voted. I was thinking about this election, and the insanity surrounding it, and realizing that I'm now part of a demographic that is ignored. I am a single, never been married, childless, middle-aged, college educated woman. No one cares about us. And certain men HATE us.

The reason for the hate is because we've bucked the trend. Instead of getting married and having kids we couldn't afford to raise (after our husbands/boyfriends left us) we got college degrees and remained single and childless.

I never had kids for a number of reasons. First off, I really didn't want any. Secondly, I never seemed to meet a guy who would make a good father. I figured the cut-off year for having kids was about age 35 or so, as fertility rates go down, and the probability of birth defects goes up. I guess I didn't work hard enough at finding a guy, but considering the shitty treatment I've had from men in my life (my brother was the first and probably worst offender) I wondered why I wanted one so badly. I don't want one anymore.

I am certain I made the right choice. I've battled depression for several years, and passing on the possibility of gloom and doom, as well as heart problems, diabetes and cancer to a future child wasn't something I was interested in doing. And after I what I went through in 2008, I am glad I didn't have a child to watch me cry and scream and freak out and wonder what the hell I was going to do. However, I am resentful of the fact that if I did have a child, I probably would have received help. A single woman? Who cares? A single woman with a child or two? Poor dear, here, have these WIC vouchers and food stamps. I know the kids didn't have any choice to be brought into this world, and I don't like the idea of hungry, homeless kids, but it makes me mad that in this society, I am seemingly worth nothing because I don't have a husband (not even a bad, abusive one) or kids.

I'm also mad at one of my co-workers who broke up with her jackass boyfriend (I used to work with him; and he was a chauvinist asshole if there ever was one). I told her that she deserved better. That was a few months ago, she got back with him and now she's pregnant again with her second child (both of them are fathered by the jackass). This makes at least three illegitimate kids (it might even be four, I'm not sure) that this guy has. Of course, he won't marry her, and of course, his name is the only one on the house. So if they break up again, she will have to either go back home to her mom, or find another place to live. Why do I care? Why is this my business? Because (and I realize this might be interpreted as an anti-feminist thought) I think women bring poverty upon themselves by getting involved with losers. This woman was in school, studying to become a nurse. Now, she has a toddler and another baby on the way, and a job as a part-time cashier. Her pig of a boyfriend jokingly asked me where his refrigerator was when he stopped into the store a few weeks ago. (We used to work in the delivery department together.) He asked me in a condescending way, and I did not respond. If I see him again and he makes a smart remark, I think I'll ask him just exactly how many illegitimate kids he now has, and how I thought conservatives believed in family values, and it was the liberals who are having kids out of wedlock like it's no big deal. This is one aspect that I am very conservative on, because as a society we've really gotten away from the family unit. If you have enough responsible people around you to help you raise your child, fine. Have your kids. But if you are hooked up with a scurvy, lazy idiot who looks out for his own skin but who doesn't care about you if you break up, and you're dumb enough to have kids with him, why should my tax dollars support you and your stupid, self-defeating decisions? You look at me like I'm some sort of freak, but my college degree, my intelligence and use of birth control have given me an edge. I may be poor, but I'm poor by myself. I'm not subjecting kids to an endless parade of new boyfriends, new places to live, and not enough food, and not enough family time due to a crazy work schedule.

So yes, your lifestyle may just influence mine, especially if you rely on tax dollars for your survival. I never got any help from the government when I was scraping by in 2008. I look at that with a source of pride, but also with a bit of wonder. Thanks to a few people I knew, I was able to get through that horrible time and get back on my feet, but the help I received didn't come from the government or any blood relatives.

Go ahead, call me a freak. Call me a freak because I don't have kids or a husband. I'm a freak because I gave parenthood some thought, and realized I couldn't do it the way my parents did it. And I never met a guy who was man enough to respect me as a human being. I refuse to put on an air of phoniness to catch a guy. I am who I am, and if being myself frightens men, then tough shit. If you grow a pair of balls, put down the video game controller, the Mountain Dew and grow the fuck up and achieve something with your life, I just might be interested in you. But this is Fort Wayne, and the menfolk around here are scared of women like me. But considering the lame ass males that pass for men in this town, why would I want any of them to father my children? I'd end up with depressed, video-game obsessed lumps who don't drink anything but Mountain Dew and energy drinks and who won't achieve anything in their lives, unless you consider having illegitimate kids an "achievement.". And she'll HAVE to work, because you know, those Call of Duty marathons are just so awesome, and having a job would like, totally interfere with that.

So suck on that, you woman-hating assholes. You may have forgotten me, but I don't forget.