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Showing posts from January, 2016

Time for another installment of Creepy? Creepy How?

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A big thank you to fellow Bruin Tim S. for creating this hilarious (and horrifying) meme of Buffalo Bill paired with an actual excerpt from a guy's dating profile (typos and creepy vibe intact.)
In case you are late to the show, I've been scanning through some dating profiles and laughing my ass off. I've posted some excerpts on Facebook with my snarky commentary in boldface (because I'm a bitch) and the reaction has been extremely favorable. People are actually wondering if these profiles are for real, and they are. And the photos? Technically awful. Lots of sunglasses, hoods, hats, shade, back lit photos, and women cropped out of photos. Or not. 
So, here's a few more. I dare you to not laugh at these.

I HAD MY DAYS WITH THE LAW,, IM NOT A BAD PERSON,, JUST THOUGHT ID THROW IT OUT THERE, So, cannibal, rapist, or serial killer? Or maybe it’s unlawful conduct with punctuation.
I’m looking to meet U, an almost voluptuously curvy Almost voluptuously curvy??? WTF?
I like …

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm....

I always wonder about people who are divorcing after 20, 25 years of marriage, and a month after they announce they are getting a divorce, one of them has a new significant other. Was that other person in the wings all this time, or did the divorced person go to Rebounds R Us?

Another Dream Dude Installment!

Gloria: Interests?
Gloria: I have a wide variety of interests, and I expect my ideal guy to have a wide variety of interests as well. I’d like us to have a few things in common. I travel, I like all sorts of music, and I have a few hobbies. I read, I write, I take pictures, make videos, occasionally make music, crafts, I blog, make memes, jog, and I like to go swimming. I like to garden. I want cherry trees in my backyard. I love being able to go into my garden and pick a bunch of ripe tomatoes and eat them right then and there. He needs to appreciate the outdoors.
Gloria: Let’s talk about religion.
Gloria: I’m a lapsed Catholic. I think I have some sort of spirituality, and I think I am a believer in karma. I’m not about formal religion. I think nature is my church. I like looking at the sky. I like walking around in the woods. I like it when it snows. Getting with someone who is a born-again Christian would be a problem. We’d clash. Catholics get bad press because of the pedophile prie…

Mini Movie Monday!

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I read part of a short story that I wrote at a reading called "Write the Feminine." This is from a few years back. The story is called, "Hot Enough For Ya?" which is about a dog trapped in a truck on a hot day. It sort of has a sci-fi/fantasy vibe to it, with the spirit or alien dogs abducting the owner to give him a taste of what it's like to be stuck in a vehicle on a hot day. I think this is one of my favorite stories that I've ever written. It's available in a collection of short stories that I wrote. You can get print copies of Served Cold: Tales of Revenge and Redemption at Lulu.com. Check it out here:

http://www.lulu.com/shop/gloria-diaz/served-cold-tales-of-revenge-and-redemption/paperback/product-20402986.html

Or if you want the ebook, go here:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/140164

The Start of Another Regular Feature...Introducing... Creepy? Creepy How?

So I haven't posted any "Where Do You Meet These People" articles, because I haven't met anyone particularly weird/dangerous/homicidal or who has a felony recently. But I've been checking out an online dating site, and I've been laughing my ass off. I'm laughing at the hilarious/scary dating profiles. I've posted some of them on Facebook, and several people are enjoying them, as well as my snarky commentary (in boldface.) I think I will call it, "Creepy? Creepy How? This came from a former classmate who made a great meme of the last entry on this list (with a picture of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs) and made us all laugh at work. I'll see if I can get his permission to post it.

I won't bother posting the screen names or photos of these guys. The photos suck, for the most part. Poorly lit, blurry, lots of sunglasses action going on, lots of bro shots. Even some with kids and young women. And two of them, I swear to God, were actu…

Part Three of Dream Dude!

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Installment three of several! 

And one of the most stimulating things is chemistry. When you’re talking and you get the sense he’s devouring you visually, and hanging on to your every word, it’s exciting and nerve-wracking and flattering and mind-blowing all at the same time. Those are rare moments, let me tell you, but when they happen….

Gloria: Totally hot! Gloria: Absofuckinglutely!**


Gloria: What about money?
Gloria: Having money is nice and all, but if you can do the best with what you have, that’s fine. Be creative. Sometimes, it’s just something really simple. A nice massage, that doesn’t cost anything and shows that you give a shit about the woman. Sure, it would be nice to be whisked away to Toronto for a long weekend, but it doesn’t have to be like that. Massages are always nice. A movie marathon is good. Bake cookies. Cook dinner. Have an urban scavenger hunt. You can even play board games, video games, or sports, as long as you can keep your shit when you lose. If you bitch and…

Mini Movie Monday!

For some reason, the last one I uploaded, I couldn't see it in Chrome. I can't figure out what's going on. I just dragged the video from my desktop. I didn't format it on YouTube or anything, but maybe I should. Hopefully, you all will be able to see it. I just checked. You can see it in Explorer. Don't know what's going on in Chrome, but I guess I'll have to convert the videos on YouTube from now on.

Foreign Accents...

Absolutely, positively, drive me wild. Last night, I had a particularly difficult paint match. The guy was a tad bit of a jerk.

But earlier in the evening, I helped a guy with a delightful Spanish accent I couldn't quite place. I finally broke down and told him I loved his accent and asked where he was from. Costa Rica. He had a lot of questions, but he was very polite and kind.

And it makes me think that maybe I should just try hanging out with foreign men. Generally, they are nicer to me and I love foreign accents anyway.

So thank you Costa Rican man. You made my night!

Oh Hell Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The new coaster at Cedar Point! Valravn!!!

The First Time...

I've had some odd things happen to me in my life, but one very unique thing is that my cherry wasn't popped by a guy. A horse did it. I was such an innocent that I didn't realize what happened at the time, but I remember it was very painful. I was taking a horseback riding lesson. I was going over a fence, and was out of position, and came down on the pommel of the saddle. Hard. I remember sitting  in the indoor arena, hunched over, too embarrassed to explain what had happened. I couldn't believe how much it hurt. What seemed like hours later, I was able to finally move again.

I forgot about it until I had sex for the first time and had to explain to the guy why I was still a virgin but didn't have a hymen.

But that horse...I still remember him. Chestnut. Possibly a Thoroughbred. Definitely built better and nicer to me than any guy I've ever dated.

I wish I'd continued with my horseback riding lessons. Those were good times. I may try and see if I can start…

Another Dream Dude Installment!!!

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The second installment of a series. 


Gloria: Yes, I wrote that down. How about personality?
Gloria: That's a tough one. It's something guys can work on, which is great. He doesn't have to have the perfect body. God knows I don’t. But personality…well, that can be a huge deal breaker too. It can save the guy too, if he works on it.
Gloria: Please explain.
Gloria: Well, I have to feel comfortable with the guy. That’s probably one of the top things. If I don’t feel comfortable, that’s a problem. And there’s a subtle line to be walked between being acceptably flirty, and sexually flirty. And most guys fuck it up. I know you’re looking at my breasts, but you don’t have to announce it. If you compliment me on something else, that reduces the creep factor. Also, you need to talk to me. If I get the feeling you’re really interested in me, that scores huge bonus points.
You could be the perfect guy for me physically. But if you are an arrogant asshole, I’m going to think, “gee, nice ex…

Mini Movie Monday!

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Not an original one from me tonight, sorry. This was probably my first exposure to Bowie. I think I was eight. Can't believe that was 40 years ago. I wish elementary school had lasted longer. I did childhood well. Adulthood, not so much.

You Know the Insomnia's Bad When...

the time you fall asleep Monday night is 10 a.m. Tuesday Morning.

Diaz Describes Dream Dude (In 4,700 words or less)

I'm taking advice (sort of) from a friend of mine. And I'm also sort of trying to balance things out. I know I usually post really negative stuff about men, but I don't think I've ever gone into any detail as to what I'd like in a guy. And boy, do I have details! You don't actually think I could sum up my ideal man in 500 words or less, do you? I mean, shit, I've written a novel! It's over 120,000 words! And it's my own Goddamn blog! I'll be as wordy as I want! But for you short attention span types, I'll break it up. Yes, I interviewed myself.

And yeah, I may never meet this guy, because I'm way picky, but after some of the idiots I've gone out with, I'm not settling. I know what I want, and if I can't get it, I'll live without it. The next guy (assuming there is one) better rock my world.

Anyway, here's part one (of several).

Gloria: So, what's your ideal man look like?
Gloria: Like a dude.
Gloria: You need to be a…

Mini Movie Monday!!!

This is a model of an amusement park made out of toothpicks. This is from Musee Mechanique in San Francisco. Check out the swing ride! If they went that fast in real life, talk about G forces! Cedar Point has one. It's called the Wave Swinger.

Saturday Night's Playlist

"The Bad Touch"/The Bloodhound Gang--My guilty pleasure favorite band of the 90s. I loved all the pop culture references.
"Roar"/Katy Perry--I love this.
"All I Really Want"/Alanis Morrisette--Kind of reminds me of me. A misfit full of contradictions.
"You Oughta Know"/Alanis Morrisette--I've never had a guy cheat on me, and when the relationship ended, I was more than ready, to be honest. But I can understand the rage in this song.
"Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss"/The Bloodhound Gang--I can't understand if TBG really liked dance music or was making fun of it. I think they were making fun of it in this song. But I got a kick out of these guys--the juvenile sex/pop culture references and crazy rhymes and dance music highlighted a decade where I was fairly happy for a while.
Sunday night I cleaned to disc two of the first season of Two and a Half Men. It's much more fun to watch sleazy guys on television than to deal with them in real…