Friday, April 22, 2016

Creepy? Creepy How??? 4-23-16

Apparently, men don't like being called on bullshit in their dating profiles. I nearly got removed from one of the dating sites I'm on. And I complained about a couple of assholes. So it's not been going well, but I expected that.

Anyway, here's a fresh crop of profiles and my snarky responses.

Male 41--Not much into any games but more into my two boys!!
This sounds so wrong.

Male 41--Really not sure what to think after the judge held me up on dating, seriously!!
If the judge doesn’t want you to date, you really shouldn’t admit that.

Male 50--Life is getting shorter so let's not wait.
And if you keep smoking, it will get even shorter!

Yes the hair on the woman is my first and most reaction of my attraction...
Well, the hair on my legs is plenty long! Party time!

Male 44--I have three kids and seven grandkids that keep me on my toes.
Is it just me, or is a 44-year-old grandfather just … bizarre?

Male 32--i'm a music lover, self-proclaimed culinary badass, drunk dancer, computer nerd, winner of all the video games, and owner of a cat.
In your profile picture, you’re flipping me off. Fail.

Male 40--I am out going. I'm an outdoorsy person. I ask if u want to know more. I hate filling this out.
You are wearing a hat which makes it look like there are two black bananas coming out of your head. Your attraction factor is now at -100.

Male 61--I now own a rake, 2 hoes, a lawn blower/vac, 2 weed whackers, 2 lawnmowers, a sprayer for weed killer, 2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...sorry, got carried away. LOL No cable, just an outdoor antenna to pick up Fort Wayne stations (with 6 rooms wired and a TV in each of them), but do have Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime for movie and series watching. 3 Roku streaming devices and 1 Roku TV..

What’s scary is that he looks a LOT like Rush Limbaugh, and actually worked for a radio station in the 1980s. Really dude, why list your lawn equipment AND your entertainment crap in a dating profile? You sound like you are looking for both a gardener and someone who will veg on the couch with you. Good luck idiot. You’re gonna need it.

Male 36--I am an ENFJ!!! Myers-briggs type. My enneagram type is 3 W2
So what’s your Psychopathy Test score? Mine is 35 out of 40. The same as Paul Bernardo’s ….. um….not that it matters ….

Male 36--I work hard for a living but know how to cut loose and have a good time. I love the natural wood look and hate when it is painted. Dark purple is my favorite color near a midnight blue color but in purple.
Thanks for the design preferences! ‘Cause that’s what I LOVE talking about on dates! I love hardwood floors and indoor swimming pools!

Male 49--If you want to know, just ask.
Dude, why the white makeup around your eyes?

Male 40--my company has went through cut backs and caused me to loose my job but im working hard to obtain a new one. i will be completing my bs degree in management this year so yes im really smart...
No, you’re not. And your profile name is completely off-putting, so that really proves how dumb you are. I don’t want to suck your beautiful whatever, no matter how long it is.

Male 40--The six things I could never do without food,love,my car, my buddies,my xbox, and my porn
Man, he’s classy.

Male 43--I am a writer, musician, artist, and free-thinker. I'm mainly interested in a Dom/sub relationship or some variation thereof (especially in the bedroom). Friends are still good though, (they don't have to be submissive).
Boy, I guess he wants to weed potential candidates out before he buys them dinner… What’s funny is he looks like he stepped right off the set of Mad Men.

Male 43--The six things I could never do without fresh airsunshinetreesmusica good slavecoffee
Oh dear God.

Male 41--Not looking for a fix-her-up
So you’re not planning to “pimp this ride”?

like sitting on the pourch on a summer night or bonefire hope to meet someone who likes the same
The bones, the bones, the bones are on fire …

You must like to travel and be able to hold a conversation but know when to shut up.
Wow. Much subtle. So gentleman.

It apparently also needs to be said that if you are selarated, don't present yourself as divorced. And if you aren't even selarated, don't present yourself as such. Be honest.
“Selarated”? Does he mean “separated”? Or is this a veggie thing? “Celerated”? The fuck???

A woman that shares the same interest as i do and a woman who is selfless not shellfish
“Shellfish”? I do like shrimp, but I don’t consider myself one.

I am the father of a girl and a boy who is going through a divorce.

I know what he means, but this makes it sound like the boy is going through a divorce. Misplaced modifiers can be so much fun!

Monday, April 18, 2016

Mini Movie Monday!

It's not original. But nonsense babble from animated characters somehow calms me.

Ba ba da ba da to you too...

Monday, April 11, 2016

Mini Movie Monday!

More footage from Hush Fort Wayne. Really liked the music! The next time I'm there, I'll stay a little bit longer. My social anxiety means going to parties, bars and clubs is extremely uncomfortable for me.

Friday, April 8, 2016

April 8 Creepy? Creepy How???

My most recent post was rather sad, so here are some online dating profiles and my snarky responses to them. I haven't sent them to the daters ... but sometimes I think I should. Enjoy!

Meme by Tim S.

i laugh i sing what more could ya want.
Gainful employment, good hygiene, no tattoos, good teeth, charm, and a gentlemanly demeanor.

Just because other men have broken your heart don't automatically asume that I will too.
You spelled “assume” wrong. Therefore, you will break my heart—and my poor spelling limit.

I don't have much to offer but a big heart.
Not into guys with enlarged hearts.

Disclaimer: if we meet and you don't look like your profile photos, you're buying me drinks until you do.
And if YOU don’t look like your profile photos, you are buying me Coach handbags until you do!

A reader suggested I list gender and age with the profiles, so here ya go!

Male, 54-- I hug extraordinarily well.
And you’re lazy as fuck. His profile picture shows him with a woman with a pink dot over her face.

Male, 39-- I have visited 40 states including Canada and Mexico.
Technically, Mexico has states, but it is actually a country, as is Canada, which has provinces. Another stunning example of public education gone wrong.

Male, 43-- Secondly, you owe your children a 'sorry' with a deep explanation when they get older and certainly so does your ex. If you are a considerate thinker, you'd be attuned to the heavy complications children deal with from broken families... Whoever or whatever you deemed the responsibility. I consider the former, and my formative years as the lead reason I have a non existent self esteem.
Sorry about that dude. I started taking meds recently, and I feel more confident than ever. Also, I don’t give a fuck. You should try it.

Male, 53-- Hello, My name is Theodora and I am a 16 year old grey tabby cat, will be 17 in June. I’m writing on behalf of my human servant, who is single and looking for a nice woman for us to spend time with.

This is cute, but I don’t like cats.

Male 45-- First of all, I find it very hard to write about myself (but I'm guessing you do too)
Hell no! I LOVE talking about myself! I love it even more since I have self-confidence and I’m basically giving guys a taste of their own medicine!

Male--41 I prefer to start on the 15th date so there may be no BS, masks, lies or deceit. As if we have known one another for a while and act as if we would on date number 15. The chemistry and passion should be solid by then as well don't you agree?
This is a sneaky way to get sex (on the first/fifteenth date). What a douche.

I'm a true person, I'll give my all to you
Haha! I read this quickly and thought it said, “I’ll give my ball to you.” Hahahahaha!

I'm a southern man born & raised in the deep south woman must be able to cook
Well buddy, you’re up north now. Go make me a sandwich.

I love to breed
Most men do, but they refer to it as “fucking” not “breeding.”

I also like the quite time with that special someone
It’s “quiet” time, not “quite” time. For fuck’s sake!!!

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Thinking About You, Elizabeth

You would have been 55 years old today. I wish so much you had lived. I'd trade my brother for you, if I could. Happy Birthday, sis.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

R.I.P. Bill the Lion

Bill the lion died yesterday at the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo. From the Facebook posts, Bill was a very loved and popular animal.

Monday, April 4, 2016

Mini Movie Monday! (An Original One!)

I love this type of music, and there is a place in Fort Wayne to hear it! This was taken at Hush on South Harrison Street. Sorry if the sound quality is crappy. I recorded it with my Samsung Galaxy III. I think I had the volume turned all the way up. I tried fixing it with my video editing program, but I'm not sure it made a difference. The DJs were Sass and Classy vs. Safe Place. I'm not really a club person, but it's cool that at least there's a place like this in town.

Friday, April 1, 2016

More Creepy? Creepy How???

Meme by Tim S.

Here we go with more wacky profiles. 

I have a good set of shoulders.
Really? My tits are awesome!

You’re dealing with the ultimate gentleman/bad boy.
So, you’re an oxymoron?

I have been told I look like Mel Gibson.
No, you don’t.

If you cant have a good time just being with your self even ,,, then whats the point of anything at all period.
A lot of potential suicides have this same thought!

I'm a hard wording dad
You need to word harder on proofreading.

I am tall an little extra pounds but just rite for u babe. I. I be waiting to hear from you anytime babe.
How do you know that your extra pounds are just right for me? That’s like saying my great big herpes sore on my lips is just what you need.

I cannot receive messages at this time.
Well, good luck finding a woman!

Fun and outgoing. Blah blah blah lol. I suck at this so just ask.
But your answer will probably suck too, so forget it.

When it comes to problem-solving, I try to see things from every angle. I prefer to take my time when making important decisions.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this profile.

im a goodlooking guy,ive been told i look like james dean,mel gibson,im not conceited
Yeah, sure, you’re not conceited. Mad props for spelling it right though.

Trust, the ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need...(Someone may get that reference).
The fuck you talkin’ about, boy?

Hello, hoping to find my person.
Surprisingly, he’s not a dog. But he sure as hell sounds like one.

Holding each Other Till Morning And Initiating Love.
You mean initiating fucking? Because love is not sex. And sex is not love. Since you’re a guy, I had to tell you that because you guys fuck it up all the time.

I play the electric guitar for a Trans-Siberian Orchestra tribute band
This might be a turn-on for some women, but not this woman.

A few words that would describe me would be redneck, biker, and frat boy
Oh good Christ, this is my worst nightmare.

I believe in God, country and the 2nd amendment.
Sorry, you’re too American for me.


I am that guy that rocks your world and makes your mind disturbed trying to figure me out
No thanks. My mind is already disturbed from trying to figure out men, and I’m done.

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Third book coming soon!