Monday, April 3, 2017

So I Guess I'm Screwed

Twice in the past few months, I've heard men talking about certain women who thought they were "all that" but weren't. I've also heard men like confident women, but it seems that women are not allowed to have self-confidence unless they look like supermodels. So, I can only have self-confidence if I'm perfectly gorgeous. Got it. But if I'm just my ordinary self, I can't have self-confidence, because I'm not pretty enough to have it.

That's why cosmetic, cosmetic surgery and the diet industries are booming. It's another reason why women are interested in fashion (which is also booming). If you can't be beautiful, you can be stylish.

I would have killed to be this pretty in high school. It's really kind of horrifying to see this examples too frequently. Here's a ten year old who killed herself. Here's another one who killed herself, and even though she's dead, the bullies STILL hate her. I'm just floored by these beautiful girls being told they're ugly. I mean, Jesus Christ, how perfect do you have to be? Is it jealousy on the bullies' part? Or are they just shitty enough human beings, who will probably live long, successful lives while the bullied end it all, because they're just fucking tired of being a punching bag for assholes? How many of these poor kids who kill themselves could have really contributed something good to the world?

People are remarkably chill about the issue of bullying with some of them saying, "stiff upper lip," "suck it up," "just ignore them" and other stupidly optimistic advice options.

I'm damaged. I'm trying to become undamaged, but it's hard. I'm thinking it's impossible. So I try and do things that make me happy. But I still have to live in society. I'll never be good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough, and for those reasons, it's hard to keep trying. It's why I spend a lot of time by myself. I don't have to worry about mean people. Because if I stand up for myself against these people, I'm a horrible person. If I don't stand up against these people, I'm seen as a doormat. I never really learned to be gently assertive, so when I do stand up for myself, I'm over the top bitchy, but at least people know where I stand.


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