EdgeofGloria

OH. MY. GOD!

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 03:21:00 +0000

After dinner tonight, I went to the bathroom. I ate a bunch of fried shrimp, so it makes sense that I'd have to go. So I'm sitting there, and have this sensation that something is going to fall out of my vagina. It's sorta like when you have a tampon that needs to come out, and you know it's full of blood. You tug on the string a little bit, and usually it falls right out.

Well, I had that same feeling, only no tampon. I can feel whatever it is coming out of me, but it's having a hard time. So I sort of stand up, and wiggle, and I feel it moving, but it's not coming out. So I reach for it, tug it out, and end up tossing a four inch long, two and a half inch wide, six inch diameter hunk of dead tumor into the bathtub. Talk about awe inspiring and disgusting!!! I took several pictures of it, because this is the biggest chunk of dead tumor to pop out of me yet.

So My Pain is Funny, Eh?

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:08:00 +0000

Called my surgeon to get a refill on my steroids. They were the only thing that kept me going this past week. I had bad abdominal pain late Halloween night/early Sunday morning, so I indulged. I was told when I got another dose that this was my LAST one. My surgeon said he had three refills, so I should have at least one more.

So I called today, and they said he had prescribed it for three cycles only. So I get the first batch, I get the second batch, but there is no third batch. I talk to the nurse, and reiterate my symptoms (nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, extreme fatigue, loss of appetite, weight loss (16 pounds so far) and she just kinda chuckled and said she'd talk to the doctor about it.

They want to do a cat scan, but I just had one at the hospital, along with blood tests, which according to Dupont Hospital, revealed nothing wrong. So why the abdominal pains so bad I couldn't roll over in bed for several minutes? Why the exhaustion? Why the lack of appetite? Why do I vomit a couple times a month on my cycle?

And why does the nurse think my suffering is funny? I wish to hell I'd had some warning I was going to feel this miserable AFTER the surgery. At least I would have known. Yes, I do look thinner, and I AM thinner, but the putty colored ooze streaming from my vagina, necessitating wearing maxi pads 24/7, is gross. It's also causing chafing in my genital area, since it's in contact with this goo and blood and tumor chunks all the time.

Fuck.

Magnificent Obsession

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:01:00 +0000

I know I've been writing about my tumor dying, but I'm obsessed with it and what my body is going through. I had a four week period, and three weeks of abdominal pain, which eventually went away.

However, it came roaring back last Saturday night/early Sunday morning. The pain was so bad, I couldn't move for a few minutes. Robert drove me to the emergency room, where it took a mere four hours to get pain meds. A cat scan and blood work showed no problems. I told one of the nurses I was afraid I had cancer. It kinda makes sense: no appetite, weight loss, lethargy, so I thought I'd better get checked out.

So I took the steroids the surgeon provided for me, and that is keeping me functioning, while bumping up my appetite a bit. I still don't feel like eating much, though.

But my body seems violently opposed to my tumor dying. Mind-bending pain, vomiting (this morning) diarrhea (also this morning) and a stomach ache early this evening made a frustrating day not much better.

The photo is one of the more recent impressive ones of my tumor. It sort of looks like a turd made out of brains, but this slid out of me a few days ago into my toilet at home. I may do a photo exhibit of this and other photos.

Pieces of Me

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 19:13:00 +0000

I have proof my procedure is working besides the $27,000+ bill that was sent to BCBS. Pieces of my tumor are falling into the toilet every day, two or three times a day. Sometimes they look like bloody shredded tissue, sometimes just white tissue. Sometimes, it looks like crab meat. But the tumor is getting smaller. I keep measuring my tummy and abdomen with a tape measure, and my upper abdomen keeps getting smaller. This past week, I started wearing a belt with my jeans, because they are falling down.

However, this is only one of two good things. I am losing weight because I just don't have an appetite. Also, I've bled every day for more than a month now. Imagine, ladies, having your period for an entire month and all that special time of month entails. Nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, abdominal pains, fatigue, the whole nine yards.

Oh well, this too shall pass, but I wish I'd had some warning. Judging from the size of my tumor, this will probably be going on for a while.

The Rich Have It Bad

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:25:00 +0000

Oh my God. I just saw that executives from seven companies bailed out by the government are going to get their pay cut. I'm really, really concerned. How are those executives that are used to making millions of dollars a year going to survive on maybe $100,000 a year, if that?

It's horrible. Just horrible.

It must be horrible to be a rich person here in America. Having to get used to a cramped eight bedroom house, instead of the thirty room mansion. Downscaling to a Cadillac when that Bentley was just so sweet. Learning to cook because it costs so much to have a full-time, live-in cook.

If you are as concerned as I am about this travesty, please help now! Donate whatever you can to "Elevating the Elite." I've decided to start this charity (although the people I plan to help prefer to look at it as a "consulting group". Please help these people reach the level of living they are used to having. Believe me, you have no idea how much of a shock downsizing can be. The rich are people too, you know.

Elevating the Elite
P. O. Box 10864
Fort Wayne, Indiana 46854-0864.

Your donation is not tax deductible, but I'm sure this sacrifice is a small one to bear. These people have serious adjustments to make; going from $10 million plus a year to perhaps $100,000 a year. As these hard workers struggle to get by on six figures, you can make their lives a little easier. God bless you.

Don't Like Government Programs? Don't Fucking Use Them!

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 21:15:00 +0000

I got into a minor dust-up with a co-worker about health care. I wore my “Canada” sweatshirt to work, and the co-worker said, “Their health care sucks.” He then went on to say in Vancouver, six thousand MRI scans had been cancelled because they didn’t have enough machines. I said, “yeah, but did you know 18,000 Americans a year die because they don’t have health care?” “Just get a job!” was his response.
He then said something interesting. His girlfriend, who works two jobs, doesn’t make enough to buy health insurance, of course, so she’s getting her pregnancy taken care of by Medicaid.
This is a guy who thinks subsidized health care will ruin this country, yet his girlfriend is getting Medicaid for her pregnancy. Can you say “hypocrisy?”
Listen, you douche bags: if you’re against government programs, fine. But Jesus Fucking Christ, the second you lose your job and your savings run out and things start to get a little hungry and drafty, do not, I repeat DO NOT go screaming, “where’s my benefits?”
I’m so fucking sick of people going apeshit about universal health care, when they are getting some sort of government assistance. And isn’t it hilarious, these oldsters draining Medicare dry, saying, “No socialized medicine! Hands off my healthcare!”? If you’re against food stamps, stay away from the food banks, you fucking hypocrite.
We as a nation would be so much better if we just admitted that we want our share of the government pie. We do. We WANT OUR SHARE. Don’t fucking argue with me, you do. You do want your unemployment, WIC, AFDC, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps and anything else government-funded, like federally subsidized student loans.
I realize shit happens, but why the hell do people who have kids expect a handout? And they do—from baby showers and every other thing they can get, their mindset is, “I’m having a kid. Give me stuff.”
Fuck that. FUCK THAT. F-U-C-K T-H-A-T. I never met anyone in my reproductive years that appeared to be a decent father, or even wanted to be a father. Based on my history with men and my ongoing parade of shitty jobs, I had no business even THINKING about having children. One of my doctors cautioned me about becoming pregnant after my surgery I had earlier this summer. I explained to him that I didn’t want to bring children into this world if I couldn’t raise the kids as well as my mom and dad did with my brother and me. He actually was impressed that I’d given kids so much thought. I said, “Most people act like they’re having puppies: “oh, let’s have a kid! We’ll worry about the bills later! It doesn’t matter that we’re not married and that none of us really have a legal stake in this relationship!”
Not me. Not this bitch. If the government helps you raise your kids, the government has a say in HOW your kids should be raised. I mean, fair is fair, right? If Uncle Sam is providing the check, why the hell do you think you should be able to spend it any way you see fit on your kid?
I’m not against government assistance, but don’t be a fucking hypocrite about it. If you are against universal health care, buy your own insurance, and then if you get turned down, don’t expect my tax dollars to pay for your heart attack. I don’t care. You’re not going to want to pay for any future surgeries I may have to have.
And for God’s sake—pay for your own children. You may be convinced your child is the brightest, most wonderful, sunshine-filled specimen to invade the earth. That thought has only been shared by five or six billion other people. It’s such an original thought. It’s a real safe bet that a large majority of babies brought into this world with government assistance will not become rocket scientists, cure poverty, end world hunger or graduate from a four-year college. Your kid (or kids, as the case always seems to be) will think it’s perfectly okay to get knocked up or knock someone else up. After all, Uncle Sam will pay the tab, because babies are a worthwhile commodity to this nation. They provide more taxpayers. Although, since jobs are being shipped out of the country, they might find it a bit rough to survive. That’s okay—Uncle Sam will pull through somehow. Because probably by the time your kids are ready to go out on their own, Uncle Sam will be owned by China.
And that co-worker? This will be his second child. His first was from a “previous relationship” and they weren’t married either. And the mother of the child was receiving WIC.
I’m proud to say during my economic meltdown of last summer, I did not receive a SINGLE CENT of government assistance, though I did apply for it. I managed to scrape by and feed myself, my dog and my cat by my wits, the kindness of a few friends and taking shit jobs 99 percent of Americans wouldn’t do. And here I am, working three jobs, so fucking kiss my ass.
I am NOT against government programs, but if you are, don’t use them. And take care of your own fucking kids, you lazy-ass, uncommitted assholes.

Not a Very Restful "Weekend"

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 00:23:00 +0000

Since I am on a rotating schedule at work, I don't have the same days off every week. Because I work two jobs, and I have to prep for the night job, that leaves very little free time for me, since I use my days off from my day job to prep for my night job. Hopefully, I'll spread the work out over a few evenings, so maybe I can actually enjoy my days off.

Yesterday, I did a lot of running around and prepping for my night job. Today, I slept sort of late but not really. I took my car in yesterday, and they were able to fix it, but it cost me $500+. I tried not to freak out about it; I'll be getting paid from my night job soon and I can start replenishing the emergency fund.

My brother came over today and we cleaned off a bureau and got rid of a lot of stuff. I had hopes of mopping and waxing the floors, but I was too tired to do it. I cleaned off the dryer and part of a shelving unit today and put the couch cover back on. I also sorted out some mail. Needing to get out of the house, I drove to Columbia City, then decided to stop into a store to see if a friend was working, but she wasn't there.

It's really hard to work a rotating schedule and get stuff done. Combine that with being tired all the time, and feeling hopeless about the future, and it's all one can do to drag one's self out of bed and into work.

I'm working on my first music parody video, and it's tedious, but at least I'm learning it's better to put the soundtrack in, THEN match up the shots to where you want them. That's really about the only fun I'm having these days. I'm trying to do things to make me laugh. I also have another idea for a video and started getting footage tonight.

We are still looking for actors for our sketch comedy skits that we want to put on YouTube. We'll probably put them on Roomforschemes.com as well.

Ugh

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 22:52:00 +0000

Ate at KFC, but even though it went down well, it hasn't set well.

Our First Video (Done all by ourselves)

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 22:51:00 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaTCLotfUqc

Clean Pipes Are a Beautiful Thing

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 01:48:00 +0000

My plumbing problem of the last couple weeks was solved today. Turns out it was beyond the efforts of Robert and myself. Despite using an auger several times, and drain opener and plunging the toilet, a professional came out with a huge, powered auger and cleaned out the line in front of the house.

I've also done a little bit of cleaning. I'm sure that my brother is appalled at the condition of the house, but at least I got him to take some stuff with him. And we did get the front closet cleaned out.

Looking forward to my next day off.

More Randomness

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 00:06:00 +0000

I would like to collect all my columns in a book and self-publish it. Anyone out there interested in seeing this become a reality?

I would like to blog about work, but I feel like I can't. I may write about it, just not publicly.

I sometimes wake up in the morning, and tell myself I can always go right back to bed when I come home. I haven't really been doing that, but I will start a second job soon (and as tired as I am, I really need the money, what with my plumbing being bad and my muffler problem) and won't be able to do that. I'm nervous about it, but hopefully I'll be fine.

I've been reading James Kochalka's Sketchbook Diaries and crying. It seems like such a cool life--fairly frequent travel, good times, and the kind of existence I'd like to have. Of course, maybe things are worse for him now, as they seem to be for a lot of people. These diaries are from the turn of the century, and I should buy his more recent collections. But I'm trying to watch my money. I buy stuff I need, not necessarily what I WANT.

Ran Dumb Babblings

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 03:56:00 +0000

At work, I write stuff in my mind, but I've had a strenuous day at work, then came home and did physical stuff, so I don't want to think too hard about writing stuff. I have the next two days off; hopefully I'll get some columns written.

I think whatever health care bill passes, it's going to be a rude awakening for a lot of people. In my perfect world, everyone has health care and the government isn't mean, and the system is run efficiently, but sadly, it's not going to happen that way in real life. Americans want a lot for a little (the Walmart mentality; spent $20 and get a week's worth of groceries) and people will expect the same for health care. I WANT people to have some sort of basic care; I think preventative care is super-important.

On the other hand, we'll have idiots who breakfast on Mountain Dew (somehow, that's becoming white trash America's drink of choice)and Pop Tarts demanding insulin for their newly discovered diabetes. And we'll have people who run to the doctor for every scrape, and their opposites who won't partake of the program, even if they are dying of cancer. Which means Libertarians will have to start eating better and exercising.

I'm in another depressive funk again. Not too bad, but I'm having panic attacks about not being where I'd like to be in life and the feeling that time is running out. But at least I have a job.

What is it lately with lazy men? At one point in my life, I've worked three jobs and took a class at the same time. If I had a business, I'd probably hire nothing but women because women do what it takes. Men will wait an eternity for a job that is "worthy" of their time; women scrap and scramble for whatever jobs are out there, and if stripping or prostitution are the only ways to earn a living, they'll do it. Meanwhile the men lethargically look for work. Men just need to step aside, because there are damn few of them, especially in this town, who are willing to hustle. It's like the wimpy man syndrome of Japan a few years back has come over here.

Speaking of lazy men, my brother is thinking of relocating. It pisses me off; for years I've said there's nothing for me in terms of writing jobs here in Fort Wayne, and was thinking about renting the house out and moving elsewhere. He didn't want to rent the house out (renters are bad people, in his opinion). He pooh-poohed my declaration of "nothing" being here for me and said there were plenty of "opportunities." Well, let me tell you about the "opportunities" I had last summer: delivering phone books and driving an ice cream truck. Mind you, I AM college educated and can write better than probably 99 percent of the people in this town, yet last summer I scraped by like someone freshly released from prison. So why is it that for years I've said there's nothing here, and my brother blows me off, yet when he's finding it difficult to find work, it's perfectly okay for HIM to take off? I wouldn't miss him, but it just makes me mad that MY hopes and dreams are blown off, but King Princey Man wants to bail. I'd have a hell of a lot more respect for him if he'd get both a morning and evening paper route, preferably the bigger motor routes where he could make around $1,200 $1,400 a month. But no, delivering papers is "beneath" him. In my book, if you have a family, and you are a man, and you are not busting your ass to do something, ANYTHING to bring in money, you might as well drop your testicles in the trash. You are NOT a man, and until you get your ass in gear, deserve to be ridiculed.

If you are a Baby Boomer reading this, you didn't do anything first, or better than anyone else. And you're going to die like everybody else. Deal with it.

I hope this recession/depression throws Starbucks out of business. Not that we need to lose any more jobs, but when and why did people think it was economically wise to spend $4 a day on a cup of coffee?

Some of my crazier friends are getting on my nerves.

I look at the people I know on disability (four) and think, "geez, the government pays you to sit around all day, and what do you do?" Smoke, drink, watch cable, repeat. And some people on disability seem very able to be productive, which makes me wonder how they got on disability in the first place, and perhaps we ought to be more selective about the process. I should apply for disability. What's my disability? I don't like being around assholes.

Tomorrow I will measure my abdomen to see if my tumor has shrunk. I also need to go back to Coke Zero. Since my procedure, I've been drinking regular Coke, and I've been waking up at 2-3 in the morning hungry. Also need to put that battery in my scale so I can weigh myself.

My house plumbing is not working right. AND my car needs a new muffler. Since this month started, I've been spending money left, right and center.

Goodnight, all.

The Joys of Publishing

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 02:53:00 +0000

I was at the library today and the woman checking out my books said she liked my column. I can't remember the last time I got recognized for my column, but it was nice.

Also, I wrote a story about Retroactive closing its doors. I pleaded to leave the opening the way it was. It included a profanity, but I felt it was very necessary to the story, and not just gratuitous cursing.

The story should be up at www.fortwaynereader.com. The name of the article is "Rose Hille is sick of the ...

It Was Actually Good

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 00:29:00 +0000

Went to the drive-in last weekend and saw "G-force," which was awful, and "Up" which was actually good. "Up" had a fairly original plot, and some touching moments. "G-force" was about guinea pigs that did secret agent work for the government. It didn't make sense that the goverment types couldn't believe the guinea pigs could talk, but the kids who ended up buying them from the pet store had no problem believing they could. How does crap like this get made?!!!!!

I Thought This Video Was Funny and True

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 18:28:00 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3FJwuykNoc&feature=popular

Sung To The Tune of "The Brady Bunch"

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:45:00 +0000

Here's the story,
of a great big uterus,
that was causing some discomfort to this chick.
All of it was self-contained, but rather full,
it made the chick look fat.

Here's the story,
of a great big tumor,
that was hanging out in this fat chick's abodomen,
she was bloated, all of the time, and sometimes had the runs.

Til the one day when the doctor said "enough now"
and told the chick she had to make a choice
either hysterectomy or U.A.E.
And so she raised her voice...

That tumor's lunch, that tumor's lunch
and that's the way U.A.E. gave it the crunch.

Hell's Fucking Kitchen

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 02:05:00 +0000

Made the mistake of leaving my television on Fox and walked in to hear Gordon Ramsay (why do people with British accents seem to strike terror in the hearts of Americans? Simon Cowell, Anne Whats-her-face from "The Weakest Link) and now the Kitchen Nazi. Red team vs. blue team during the shrimp cleaning challenge. Apparently the ladies lost. I've worked in a restaurant, and it totally sucks. And I really don't want to think about the people preparing my food. I love to eat out too much, but watching this show will ruin it for me, which is why I don't plan to watch it again. Also, I've never seen so many people on a reality show say the word "fuck" so much, but then, it's been a long time since I've watched Jerry Springer.

Schedule, Schmedule

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 01:25:00 +0000

They messed with my schedule again at work. It's a little disconcerting. Someone suggested I just set up a cot in back so I am at work. That way, I won't mistakenly think I have a day off when in reality I don't.

Truth is, times are tough. Some of the summer help is gone. And the legendary "Hundred Days of Hell" really hasn't materialized. Sure, we've had a couple days where our department got slammed, but if it's this slow NOW, I wonder what fall and winter will be like. Good thing I have a second job starting soon...

Recognition, Writing and The Tumor

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 03:35:00 +0000

Today, someone said they read my column while they were eating breakfast. Another person suggested I write about customers. I must say, it's nice to finally get some recognition for my column after ONLY FIVE YEARS OF WRITING IT.

The customer column might be fun.

Only nine more days until my tumor goes on a forced diet. I will be happy if this takes a couple inches off my abdomen. After I saw the size of my tumor, it's no wonder doing all those stomach crunches didn't make a damn bit of difference. I could have done a thousand of them a day and lived on celery and water, and I would have lost weight, sure, but I would still have the tumor, and no chance of a flat stomach.

Yes, It Is A Baby Racoon

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 02:45:00 +0000

While out and about today, I ran into that famous nature actor, George COONey.

It IS a Tumor!

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 02:41:00 +0000

I looked at the rest of my MRI films tonight with fascination. In one of the pictures, it looks like I'm pregnant. No wonder I have to pee a lot and I sometimes have to go to the bathroom very suddenly. I've also been working on my Governator accent, saying, "it IS a tumor!"

I Am Gloria's Tumor

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:08:00 +0000

This isn't one of those Rohrshach (or however you spell it) inkblots, this is a photo of an MRI scan taken yesterday morning of my pelvis. That big black blob in the middle is a fibroid tumor. It is 12 centimeters across. For those of you who don't speak metric, imagine a grapefruit. Now, imagine a grapefruit that is a little bigger than normal. Imagine that in my uterus.

We are gonna try and starve that fucker off. Stay tuned.

Into The Tube

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:04:00 +0000

Going for a pelvic scan tomorrow, then a consultation as to where to go next in terms of treatment.

Random Musings

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:17:00 +0000

I haven't been doing much with the digicam lately, but last night I taped a couple things and tonight I worked on my Daphne/Summit "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" video. I need more footage of them. Right now, I'm piecing what I have together, but the timing won't quite be right until I have enough footage. I want to match up some of the action in the video to some of the lyrics. Fortunately, the program I have (Magix Movie Edit Pro 15) will allow me to be precise on the timing. I already have an idea for another video, but will have to wait until TRF in order to get footage.

This cool weather is great on work days. It means if we have to carry something (and we always do) we don't get too sweaty. I wish I could control it so it warms up enough on my days off so that I can go swimming. It does seem really strange though, a week ago I was trying to cope with the heat and humidity, and yesterday I was regretting I wore shorts and a t-shirt. Had to put on a hoodie to feel comfortable.

I like a cool bedroom, so the window is open and the fan is on, so I can snuggle under my comforter. I feel like with the schedule I have now, it's impossible for me to get stuff done, but I have to remind myself that I AM employed, and with the second job starting in a couple months, my money situation will be much better. Even though it's 9:30 p.m., I am feeling sleepy. I have to be at work at 7 tomorrow, and last night I didn't get to sleep until after 1 a.m. However, I really felt like writing, so I think I started three essays/potential columns and should start working on a forth, except my notes are in the car and I don't want to get out of bed.

Yeah, I'm On Facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:44:00 +0000

And I think I actually like it better than Myspace.