EdgeofGloria

An oldie but a goodie. We probably all need a laugh right now. I thought this was going to be a regular feature. I thought I'd critique dating site profiles. I was having fun with it, but then it seemed like the profiles were the same thing repeated over and over. Some were even stolen, as I'd seen the exact same words used by several different men.  Plus, I get bored extremely easily, which is another reason why I stopped doing them. Maybe I will look for some less mainstream dating sites, and start these back up again. This ran in January 2016, and I think it was the second post on this topic. Time for another installment of Creepy? Creepy How? A big thank you to fellow Bruin Tim S. for creating this hilarious (and horrifying) meme of Buffalo Bill paired with an actual excerpt from a guy's dating profile (typos and creepy vibe intact.) In case you are late to the show, I've been scanning through some dating profiles and laughing my as...

Apparently, men don't like being called on bullshit in their dating profiles. I nearly got removed from one of the dating sites I'm on. And I complained about a couple of assholes. So it's not been going well, but I expected that. Anyway, here's a fresh crop of profiles and my snarky responses. Male 41--Not much into any games but more into my two boys!! This sounds so wrong. Male 41--Really not sure what to think after the judge held me up on dating, seriously!! If the judge doesn’t want you to date, you really shouldn’t admit that. Male 50--Life is getting shorter so let's not wait. And if you keep smoking, it will get even shorter! Yes the hair on the woman is my first and most reaction of my attraction... Well, the hair on my legs is plenty long! Party time! Male 44-- I have three kids and seven grandkids that keep me on my toes. Is it just me, or is a 44-year-old grandfather just … bizarre? Male 32-- i'm a music lover, ...

My most recent post was rather sad, so here are some online dating profiles and my snarky responses to them. I haven't sent them to the daters ... but sometimes I think I should. Enjoy! Meme by Tim S. i laugh i sing what more could ya want. Gainful employment, good hygiene, no tattoos, good teeth, charm, and a gentlemanly demeanor. Just because other men have broken your heart don't automatically asume that I will too. You spelled “assume” wrong. Therefore, you will break my heart—and my poor spelling limit. I don't have much to offer but a big heart. Not into guys with enlarged hearts. Disclaimer: if we meet and you don't look like your profile photos, you're buying me drinks until you do. And if YOU don’t look like your profile photos, you are buying me Coach handbags until you do! A reader suggested I list gender and age with the profiles, so here ya go! Male, 54-- I hug extraordinarily well. And you’re lazy as fuck. His pro...

Meme by Tim S. More online dating madness and snarky responses!!! Be careful out there kids! Im a good man i work every day i make good money but ..i want someone that will love me for me not my momey.. Im very loyel .. Sorry i cant spell to good .. My grandma raised me to be a gentalmen .. I dont play games ..so if yoir a player or a con- artes .dont bother me ok .. Im a one women man .. If im with someone there is no other .. If your a good loyel women lets talk and get to know each other better cant wait to find the speshal lady. ... please no skanks I’m surprised he spelled “skanks” right. If you spell this badly, can you actually hold down a job? How did he get one in the first place??? She needs to like experiment. You are NOT experimenting on me! I have a little girl she is 6 months old and she's the love of my life and who ever I meet will have to except her as well It’s “accept”, not “except.” Sometimes, being an English major is torture.  Oh, ...

Meme by Tim S. Here are this week's winners! I have lived in NC my entire life. Yes, I have a southern accent. This is the LEAST impressive thing you’ve got going, buddy. Try working on an Italian accent. Domestic accents just don’t cut it. Tttttttttttttttyyyyyyyytttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttfffftgtftftftftffkkkkkkkkkkkmmkkkkmmkmmmkkkmmkkmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Wow, he’s a top-notch typist—said nobody ever . So tired of the woman waiting for a guy to make a pass when it's just as easy for a woman to say hey I would like to get to know you. Well, if men didn’t hate me so much, and if I weighed 100 pounds and was gorgeous and had 40DD hooters, I’d make the first move. But I don’t, so I won’t.  Looking for someone who's not afraid to express themselves.Not into complainers! So you basically want someone to express themselves, but only if you get to direct things? Sorry, I’m not into dictators. Or “dick taters”....

More dating profile nonsense! If you really enjoy these, check out the first book in my online dating series: I Care What I Look Like and So Should You: Narcissistic, Nutty and Just Plain Weird Dating Profiles and My Snarky Responses  http://www.amazon.com/Care-What-Look-Like-Should-ebook/dp/B01C2KADMK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1456555927&sr=8-1&keywords=I+care+What+I+Look+Like+and+So+Should+You It's practically free, and if you have KindleUnlimited you can read it for FREE!!!! Meme by Tim S. Here are the winners for this week: Package engineer. I'm the guy who made those annoying plastic packages you hate to open. Oh, so YOU’RE the one! I’m coming after you, motherfucker! nice cool guy to talk to get along with very sexual and very love to smoke weed never drink love hanging out with my son my son is 4 years ol exam for you is a good mom in his life what is cool I love to do a lot of things very adventurous I need a lady in my life...

Meme by Tim S . Having a great time with these! And people are enjoying them! I like working an I well precise for my family What? I have not had sex in over 2.5 years Guys, please don’t. I know it’s sad when you don’t get laid, but this just comes across as desperate. I am a strong confident man who is not hung up on trying to display a male imagine given to me by a TV set I imagine a male who can write well. You are obviously not that male. I told my ex everyday for 20 yrs, of 25 yr marriage, that I loved her. See, if you’d just kept up that last five years of saying “I love you,” perhaps you wouldn’t be currently separated now! He’s mentioned three times in his profile that he was married for 25 years. I’m beginning to wonder if that 2.5 years he hasn’t had sex is actually 25 years! Im looking for someone to get to know very well and do things with.......lots of things.....planned things and spur of the moment things.....right now things........

Meme by Tim S. I'm having a blast making fun of ridiculous dating profiles. And from the looks of my stats, people are digging them. So here are some more from the interwebs. My snarky comments are in boldface. am intelligent, bright and quit-witted guy Because being “quick-witted” is just so overrated. Qualities I love about my Wife So why does it say “divorced” in your dating profile? Did she help you compile the list of the qualities you love about her? Old women adore me. Yup, that is the NUMBER ONE quality men brag about! Come here, grandma! You are looking HOT today! My medication cabinet consists of Motrin, vitamins, and some random crap. (still wondering how stool softeners got in there.) Dude, I know EXACTLY how that butt plug got into MY medicine cabinet! i am also a bad boy, so your secrets are my secrets. i am fully experienced in full body massages and mine are free the first time So I have to tell you where I buried the bodies? Uh...

Yes, I KNOW this is really long, but aren't you glad I broke it up into shorter segments? Because I didn't really want to leave anything out. I'm anal retentive like that. (But I'm not into anal--just thought I should make that clear.) Gloria: What about sex? Gloria: I like a cool bedroom for sleeping. I mean temperature-cool, not necessarily aesthetically cool. Gloria: That doesn’t have anything to do with sex. Gloria : We have to talk about this? Gloria: Well, your ideal guy will probably want sex. Gloria: I don’t want to go into too much detail. You know the kind of creeps I attract! Gloria: Give me something, at least. Gloria : Okay—no threesomes, no public sex and no fucking other women while we are together. Gloria: That’s it? Gloria: That’s all I’m telling you . I will save it for the guy if/when the appropriate time comes. But one thing he’ll never have to worry about is me cheating on him. I could be dropped butt-nak...