EdgeofGloria

I'm sorry, but if your dating profile user name is "jizzman" or variations of that, I won't date you.

Meme by Tim S. Here is another installment of wacky dating profiles and my mean-spirited responses. I feel like the well is running dry on horrible profiles, so I'm on a couple of other websites. Enjoy! Get this out of the way first: A lot of women seem to be looking for guys who make over $100,000/year. Less than 5.63% of the entire US population makes this, which in the town of Jackson, assuming 1/2 the population is male (about 4700?), 5.63% of that leaves you with somehow around 260 (but we all know that this is very unlikely to be the reality) so really, you are probably talking about more like 80 guys in town for all you gold diggers, and then...what are the chances these guys, if smart, dont know that women might 'use' them for their money, and if not that, then they are alcoholics, narcissists, emotionally unavailable, and beyond? Wait-! what about that essential 'chemistry' and all that other yummy stuff that love is suppose to bring-did you f...

Yes, I KNOW this is really long, but aren't you glad I broke it up into shorter segments? Because I didn't really want to leave anything out. I'm anal retentive like that. (But I'm not into anal--just thought I should make that clear.) Gloria: What about sex? Gloria: I like a cool bedroom for sleeping. I mean temperature-cool, not necessarily aesthetically cool. Gloria: That doesn’t have anything to do with sex. Gloria : We have to talk about this? Gloria: Well, your ideal guy will probably want sex. Gloria: I don’t want to go into too much detail. You know the kind of creeps I attract! Gloria: Give me something, at least. Gloria : Okay—no threesomes, no public sex and no fucking other women while we are together. Gloria: That’s it? Gloria: That’s all I’m telling you . I will save it for the guy if/when the appropriate time comes. But one thing he’ll never have to worry about is me cheating on him. I could be dropped butt-nak...

A big thank you to fellow Bruin Tim S. for creating this hilarious (and horrifying) meme of Buffalo Bill paired with an actual excerpt from a guy's dating profile (typos and creepy vibe intact.) In case you are late to the show, I've been scanning through some dating profiles and laughing my ass off. I've posted some excerpts on Facebook with my snarky commentary in boldface (because I'm a bitch) and the reaction has been extremely favorable. People are actually wondering if these profiles are for real, and they are. And the photos? Technically awful. Lots of sunglasses, hoods, hats, shade, back lit photos, and women cropped out of photos. Or not.  So, here's a few more. I dare you to not laugh at these. I HAD MY DAYS WITH THE LAW,, IM NOT A BAD PERSON,, JUST THOUGHT ID THROW IT OUT THERE, So, cannibal, rapist, or serial killer? Or maybe it’s unlawful conduct with punctuation. I’m looking to meet U, an almost voluptuously curvy Almost v...

So I haven't posted any "Where Do You Meet These People" articles, because I haven't met anyone particularly weird/dangerous/homicidal or who has a felony recently. But I've been checking out an online dating site, and I've been laughing my ass off. I'm laughing at the hilarious/scary dating profiles. I've posted some of them on Facebook, and several people are enjoying them, as well as my snarky commentary (in boldface.) I think I will call it, "Creepy? Creepy How? This came from a former classmate who made a great meme of the last entry on this list (with a picture of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs ) and made us all laugh at work. I'll see if I can get his permission to post it. I won't bother posting the screen names or photos of these guys. The photos suck, for the most part. Poorly lit, blurry, lots of sunglasses action going on, lots of bro shots. Even some with kids and young women. And two of them, I swear to God, were ac...