EdgeofGloria

Within the past 30 days, I've been described by two people as being "charming" and "very aggressive." I would not choose either one of these terms to describe myself. And I wonder if I really would know how to describe myself to people. It's disconcerting to be seen by others in a way so totally different from how I perceive myself. The person describing me as "charming" was in Corte Madera, California. The person who said I was "very aggressive" was in Fort Wayne. I'm convinced this town brings out the worst in me. Perhaps the next time I am meeting someone to get help with a project, I should crawl in on my hands and knees and keep my head down and tucked to the side. Wouldn't want to appear to be "too aggressive."

Five years ago I went to my first class reunion. I was not popular, or pretty, or an academic whiz. I was picked on a lot, mostly for my receding chin. There really wasn't any money to fix it when I was a kid, and even if there had been, I'm thinking my mom wouldn't have done it. Throughout life, I'd saved money for the procedure, but something always happened to the money. I needed a car repair, or something. I had good intentions, but something always came up. The only time I ever had real money in my life, I should have had it done. However, that was after my mother had died, and I had been out of work for nearly a year. I had no idea how long it would take me to get a job, and I was worried about spending that kind of money. When I think back, I didn't even think about getting my chin surgery done. My brother was being an asshole, and I had to find work. And the procedure got put off for several more years. But, earlier this year, I'd won a settlement from...

I'm in the process of reading another of Janice Dickinson's books. This one is called Everything About Me Is Fake ... and I'm Perfect! It's a great read so far. But what's really holding my attention is what Janice is saying about men. Despite being married and divorced three times, she still goes out on dates, but comes forward and says that men are pigs. But, she also says not to to give up on them. She feels they should be treated like pets--if they screw up, put them in the doghouse, and not call them. I've been treated like shit by men, but Janice's father was a fucking pedophile. My dad was great to me, for the most part, but my brother sucked. Then, the boys at school made fun of me. I came across some old pictures of me, and I WAS a mess. I feel like I'm still in my awkward stage, for fuck's sake. But why did I allow guys to make ME feel inferior? Why? I'm accomplished (college degree, self-published a couple of books) nice, helpful, an...