EdgeofGloria

I've had bad experiences with men. All my life it seems, I've not had luck with men. People don't get it when I try to explain, and I usually get the "have you tried women?" question. No, I haven't and no offense to any lesbians reading this, but I am NOT interested in women. My crushes have ranged from classmates to gay guys (sigh) to one of my college professors. For a long time, I just didn't notice men. I don't know why. Maybe it was my horrible brother, the guys who bullied me in school, or whatever. It's very, very hard when you try to do the right thing, and you still get dumped on. How you deal with it depends on what kind of person you are. Some people pick up guns and start shooting. Others cut themselves. I just got more and more depressed, and looked in the mirror, and wondered what was wrong with me. It wasn't a recent problem, it's been going on ever since I can remember. It doesn't matter how I act, men don't like m...

I think I've read enough Mad magazine articles or lists circulating on the Internet that say, "You know you're getting old, when ..." I've reached that age, I think. A few years ago I mentioned 45 r.p.m.'s in class, and no one knew what I was talking about. Anyway, I was on YouTube tonight, looking at a video for "Head Over Heels," by Tears For Fears. It's a pretty safe bet that if I want to start crying, all I have to do is look at videos or listen to music from my past. For me, it's like binge drinking. Why do I listen to stuff that's going to make me cry? Why does a binge drinker drink? Because we can. The last eight years of my life have been bad, but I think it started even earlier than that, in the year 2000, when my dad died. From then, little by little, then in big leaps, my life has sucked since then. Personal illnesses, 9/11, mother dying, financial ruin, discovery of what I SHOULD be doing for a living ... I don't know....

I know, I know. You're shocked. I'm actually CONSERVATIVE about something? Yes. And the thing I'm conservative about is something that people are so "whatever" about, regardless of which way they lean. I may have written about this before, so if I have, forgive me. The thing I'm conservative about is family. I hate the whole "baby daddy," "baby mama," "blended family," "single mom with boyfriend," "single dad with girlfriend" thing. I especially hate the "moms with multiple kids from multiple dads" thing. But a lot of people seem to be okay with the American family resembling a rather strange neighborhood where mom and dad don't seem to be around. I don't have kids. I knew they wouldn't be in my future either, with my screwed-up relationships when it comes to men (thanks, bro, and all you bullying assholes from school.) A sperm bank might have been an option, but considering my job hist...

It's been a bit strange the last couple of weeks--I've had quite a bit of time off, which is very nice. I've been doing some cleaning and some painting. The amount of crap in this house is astounding. There's stuff I'm not sure what to do with which is taking up space. I was able to get rid of some stuff, and hopefully I'l get some money for it. I took pictures of an old sewing machine I got off the curb, and took pictures of it. An antiques dealer estimated it would be worth around $75. So I guess I'll post it on eBay and see what happens. I've been sleeping a lot and spending time relaxing. I've also spent time promoting one of my books, and I've gotten some good feedback on it, which is encouraging. I wish I had a bit more money--I'd probably go to a few movies if I did, or take a day trip to Chicago. It's been over six years since I've been there. So yeah, time off. I've been getting stuff done and getting rid of stuff. ...

At one of my jobs, a co-worker mentioned an incident about another co-worker. The store is selling a collection of nine picture frames in one box. A co-worker was trying to sell them, and told another employee that he should buy them. Immediately, he replied "but I don't have nine pictures of myself to put in frames to hang up in my house." We all kind of chuckled, because it was a typical comment from this person, but the fact that it was the first thing he said, without even thinking about it, was funny. Don't get me wrong. I think self-esteem is important, but I'm getting tired of ordinary people going on and on about how fabulous they are. I've worked with this particular co-worker before, and in the four years I've worked there, I don't think this guy has said a hundred words to me. He doesn't like me. I am not sure why, but I'm tired of wasting time on people, men especially, who don't like me. I was minding my own business in class...

While watching a YouTube video, I made a comment. It basically said that men are delusional, and mistakenly think if a woman smiles at them, the woman immediately wants to have sex with them. Whoo! Just that comment had four people (probably men) calling me an asshole, saying no one wants me either (like I care) and someone with poor grammar who couldn't even spell my name right saying I look like I smell like shit, or something. Men. Such fragile creatures. I also said something on Facebook a few months ago, and one of my "friends" had a total freak out about it. Of course, this was someone I'd never met. A "friend" of a "friend." Oh yes. I made a comment about a co-worker who had broken up with her boyfriend, and I told her she "deserved better." The guy on Facebook went all PMS on me, asking why it's okay for women to say that to women, but if the guy says he "deserves better," he's seen as a jerk. Such touchy m...

I was given a Target gift card today. Just in time, too, because it's one of those lean weeks where I will probably have to dip into my emergency fund for some bullshit amount like $35 or so. So, since I needed gas, I used it at a gas station. I just bought $5.01 worth of gas, because I wanted a snack at McDonald's. I figured I'd have $19.99 left for snacks, pet food and whatever else I thought I needed. I order, then hand over the card. Declined. Since I want my snack, I go to the bank and check my balances. I head to another McDonalds's and give them the gift card. Declined. So I give my credit union card and get my food. Since the card worked at the gas station, I decide I might just as well put the rest of the gift card into my car. Declined again. WTF? So I get online and find out that the gas station is going to hold the entire amount of the card (a preauthorization fee) for anywhere from three to seven days until the transaction of $5.01 goes through. Nic...