Dream Dude Part Whatever (Why Do Women Like Bad Boys? I Sure as Fuck Don't!)

Gloria: What about bad boys?

Gloria: Ugh. If any guys are reading this, honestly, I don’t know why women are so excited about bad boys. I hate them. I guess if you want to bail a guy out of jail, and you like to be treated badly, and you love drama, then hey, go for it. But, ladies, don’t let me hear you crying because the guy is such a shithead. I had to block someone on Facebook, because she had a penchant for bad boys, and she was falling in and out of love every four weeks or so. She’d post memes that said, “Fuck Prince Charming, give me a bad boy with tattoos.” I had to block her, because I was tempted to say, “your appetite for bad boys is part of the reason why you’re in and out of love all the time.” I got tired of seeing the posts, because she really is a nice girl, but…

So I don’t know what the attraction is. Maybe women think they can save these guys, but I don’t want to fix anyone. I don’t want to be your mother. But being a nice guy doesn’t mean you have to be boring. And some nice guys ARE boring. You’ve got to be fun, you’ve got to know how to talk to me. In my case, that means asking me about myself, because hey, I’m an attention whore, and it IS all about me. There’s an important difference between a bad boy, and a gentleman with good manners who has a tiny bit of naughty in him. If you’re a nice guy, but you say or do something just a little bit provocative, it’s going to get our attention and we’re going to wonder, “what did he mean by doing/saying that?” You’ve got to make yourselves memorable in a way that makes us want you MORE, not less. Sending tacky texts like, “I’ve got the hot dog if you’ve got the bun” is just awful. If you want my body, you have to go through my mind. If it’s too much work, go fuck yourself.

Gloria: So you want an intellectual guy?

Gloria: Yeah, someone interested in learning. Someone who knows how to communicate. That’s so important with me. I was on plentyoffish.com this past summer and the guys who sent me one word messages I eliminated right off the bat. If “hello” or “hey” are the best you can do, you’re not going to be interested in me. Because I will talk circles around you. I will talk you into the ground.