Long Live "The Office"

Through a quirk of fate, I was able to watch the series finale of "The Office," and also watch some of the retrospective. I've seen seasons 1-5, but didn't get a chance to watch 6-9. I'll watch them eventually, but I was not disappointed with what I saw last night.

Andy Bernard had a great line: "I wish there was some way to know that you're in the good old days before you leave them."  I cried when he said that. Because it's so true. I think we've all felt that way. 

And when Steve Carell pops in to be Dwight's bestest mensch, that 
was a tear-jerker moment as well.

I can understand Pam's not wanting to watch all of the documentary. She grew a lot in that period, but realized she didn't want to watch how long it took her to go after what she wanted. Jim and Pam's romance was heartbreaking to watch sometimes, but it will go down in television history as being one of the greatest love stories ever on the small screen.

There were more touching moments than funny moments in the finale. Some my criticize that, but I thought the show ended on the right note.

And the show made me want to work in a place like "The Office." Okay, so it was fiction, but still, I'd like to have that kind of environment.

And that's what she said.

Our Joyous Modern World

I have to be honest here--I spend a lot of time thinking about the past, because the past seemed like it was a lot more fun. I had time to socialize, travel, see concerts and I didn't have to worry about being too much of a grownup. I had family who loved me, and it seemed like there was always something to look forward to.

All that changed when my mom died. I had to work three jobs just to maintain a modest lifestyle. My brother  yelled at me all the time. It seemed like I didn't have any time to do anything anymore, except work. I lost contact with friends. I would be lucky if I saw certain people once a month.

It would be nice if I could take the best of the past and bring it here to the future, but I can't.

So, since I usually bitch and whine and moan, I decided I would look at the positive of our modern world.

The Internet: Talk about entertainment! And education! For trivia junkies like me, I can look up facts and ask strange questions and get some sort of answer. Sometimes I spend hours on Wikipedia looking up old songs, music groups, movies and all sorts of stuff.

YouTube: This is the place where I was able to watch "Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story," a cult film which Richard Carpenter was really pissed about, because Todd Haynes went ahead and used the Carpenter's music, even though Richard said no. This film is disturbing and touching, and really interesting. Too bad the film looked like it was shot on toilet paper, but I highly recommend it. There's also so many other videos; Parry Gripp can make songs out of any lyrics and make them funny and happy; if you remember when MTV aired videos, you can watch them here, old television programs people have uploaded are on here, and if you want to see figure skating routines from the Olympics, you can find them here too. I love watching Elizabeth Manley's 1988 Olympic long program. She should have won the gold, and I watch this whenever I want to be inspired. Also, if you type in song lyrics from that one song you've always wanted to know the name of, chances are you can find it here. YouTube is one of the Modern World's wonders.

Publishing: If you are a writer, you are living in truly golden times. Turned down by every single publisher out there? Publish it yourself! That's what Amanda Hocking did, and now she's a millionaire. It doesn't mean that you too will become rich, but if you've always wanted to see your writing in print, it is possible. You can have an ebook, or you can do print on demand. I think this last option is amazing, because if you've written something; say an account of your first pregnancy, or a travel journal, or you have a collection of photos, you can publish them. You don't have to buy 500 copies and wonder how you are going to get rid of them.

I went this route with my erotic fiction, Anything For Georgetown And Other Stories, and my other collection of fiction, Served Cold: Tales of Revenge and Redemption. Both are available as ebooks, and both are available in print as well. Here are the ebook links. Click on them, and you will find a link to the print book as well. Here's the one for the erotic fiction: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/86128

Here's the one for Served Cold: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/140164



Blogs: I published a 'zine during the golden age of 'zines in the 1990s, and now I have a blog. I would say the Internet is way more democratic, because if you have the time and know how, you can promote your stuff, and have a huge following. If you like writing about a hobby that you think is weird, you can make a blog, put it online, and find others who are interested in it as well.

Social media: You can see what your friends are up to, and recommend stuff to each other. There are websites out there that cater to all sorts of interests, and some of them are set up like Facebook so you can meet people as well. You can even reconnect with people from your past. I got reconnected with a friend from a long time ago. We had split apart over something really stupid, and neither one of us reached out for about 28 years. I kick myself for not being mature enough to reach out and say, "I'm sorry." She forgave me. We were so lucky to find each other during a period of time in school that was horrible for both of us.

There are a bunch of things out there I haven't even mentioned, like Skype (which I haven't done) and Pinterest and eBay (I found a watch from my childhood, which I ended up losing on a temp job, but purchased another one from this site) and Google Earth.

You can watch movies and listen to music and watch videos and learn and laugh and cry and express yourself. Every time something bad happens, I think that despite it all, the world really is a cool place, and having the Internet is amazing. The world in the palm of your hand, or on your desk, or on your laptop.

Hello? Is Anyone Listening?

Hello? Is Anyone Listening?

More Health Issues, and Book Plugs

Just realized my last post was over a month ago. Sorry about that.

My life certainly has not been boring, but it has been depressing and frustrating. And of course, no matter what happens to you, no one wants to hear it. No matter how bad it is. So that's why it's not uncommon to me when I hear of someone who seemingly was cheerful all the time, but ended up committing suicide. People ask "why?" but the reason is so simple. Because no one cared. No one wants to hear it, so we put on a fake smile and soldier through our days as best we can. Even if we are on our last shred of "hold on", we can't ever admit it.

That being said, I'm facing surgery again. The last time I had serious surgery, I really did want it, because I was in such physical pain. This time, it's not so painful. But a recent colonoscopy showed why I'd been throwing up in the mornings, off and on, for the last three years or so. I tried eliminating the problematic foods/drinks, but sometimes that wouldn't work either. Turns out a polyp was the problem. However, there's another one, and they can't quite get to it with a colonoscopy. So, I have major surgery to look forward to. Leaving the polyp be is not much of an option, because it will probably turn into cancer within a few years.

So, I'm terrified. I'm worried about this surgery like I've not been worried before. Being absolutely broke doesn't help matters any. It's embarrassing how broke I am, and it's frustrating to have shit happen to me over and over and over. I really don't remember stuff happening like this when I was younger. But now, it seems like I can't have a week go by without something bad happening. And when you're broke, even a minor bill is a major thing, if you don't have the money to pay for it.

I'm also stressing out. It's a good thing I don't do drugs, but I've been venting in some ways that aren't healthy.

On a more positive note, The Bookmark on North Anthony is carrying both Served Cold: Tales of Revenge and Redemption and Anything For Georgetown And Other Stories. Served Cold was reviewed in Glo magazine in April. I'm hoping that Anything will be reviewed as well.

Served Cold is a collection of semi-autobiographical stories. I didn't like how they ended in real life, so I sent them in a different direction. So if you like it when the underdog gets even, check out the collection. It's also available as an ebook on Smashwords.com. Be sure to deactivate the adult filter. It's also available as a print book at Lulu.com.

Anything For Georgetown And Other Stories is a collection of erotic fiction. At least two men have said it's better than Fifty Shades of Grey, but just about anything is better than that book. It's poorly edited, yet it's made millions. Anytying is written under my pen name of Janell Elizabeth Meyer. It is also available as an ebook on Smashwords.com (deactivate the adult filter) and also as a print book at Lulu.com. Anything focuses on the fetishes of spanking and tickling, especially as foreplay, so if you are into that, check it out. My erotic fiction excerpts on short-fiction.co.uk have had more than 56,000 views, and quite a few positive comments. I'm currently working on an erotic romance, and excerpts of that are also available on that website as well.

If you want to check out excerpts of Served Cold, you can also find them on short-fiction.co.uk under my name, Gloria Diaz.

I also plan to have a collection of my columns. It's my hope to have them collected by the next Author Fair event at the ACPL, which will probably be in November. Since I'll have time off to recover from my surgery, I will try to get a lot of writing done.

A Little Personal History, in Honor of Women's History Month

Some things have been happening to me recently; things that have pissed me off. Things that make me realize that it hasn't ended. No, and probably never will.

It's Women's History Month. I've been thinking about the shit I've had to put up with from men, the relationships I've had with men, and why I'm supposed to accept being treated like shit by men, but men can hate women and abuse them because it's okay.

At work, two of the other employees in the department were leaving for breaks and lunches. I jokingly said, “you men,” and one of them said back (I hope it was a joke) that if I continued with that attitude, I'd have to become a dyke. Dress in flannel, spike my hair, you know, the typical things lesbians wear and appropriate hairstyles. Because if men have abused you and treated you like shit and you dislike (or even hate them) of course, that automatically means you are a lesbian.

It is pretty sad when your own so-called boyfriend (now ex) and a co-worker suggest you get a sugar daddy. And what would I have to do to earn that kind of keep? No, thank you.

I've only had one relationship in my life. It lasted probably three years and three months longer than it should have. Both of us had issues, but I realized having a boyfriend wasn't quite the experience I was expecting. To be honest, the only man I've ever felt comfortable with was a platonic friend. I actually felt comfortable around him, and he honestly didn't care if I wore makeup, did my hair, and he never suggested I wear high heeled shoes or get a sugar daddy. We traveled and talked and it was a blast. Then, he ran off and got married to someone with a child. Not surprisingly, they divorced. I hadn't heard from this man in a long time, but contacted him. He responded, but it was obvious he didn't want anything to do with me. It's sort of sad, when you realized we spent almost six years together as solid friends. Honest to God, I thought we'd be friends for the rest of our lives. That's how close I thought we were. And after the shock of it finally wore off, I realized that the people you think are normal and sane can do the stupidest things. I remember our friendship as a golden time. We were adults, but both our parents were living. If we really screwed up, we still had a safety net. Now, we don't. But even so, he doesn't want anything to do with me. And I refuse to chase after him.

So yeah: I've not had the greatest luck with men, and explaining it to people is impossible. Okay, you idiots, try to imagine this: imagine you are black, and 90 percent of every white person you encounter calls you a nigger. Yup, I'm using the N-word. Suppose they hit you for no reason. Suppose they make fun of you. How would you feel about white people? Would you spend your entire life wanting to please them and make them happy, only to realize nothing you said or did would be good enough, that you'd still be a nigger after all was said and done? Would you? Be honest.

Or, picture this: you're white (because you probably are) and 90 percent of blacks treated YOU like shit. Would you spend your time trying to be friends with them? I doubt it. You'd probably eye them with contempt, perhaps a bit of fear.

Do you get it now? Or are you reading this saying, “I just don't understand. I just don't understand at all.” Of course you don't. They didn't like me when I was skinny, they don't like me when I'm fat. They didn't like me when I was young, they don't like me when I'm middle aged.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where I am with men. I've acted cool, flirty, interested, bored, aloof, snobby, friendly, kind, warm, welcoming, and I got nothing left. “Be yourself,” the Einsteins say, “you'll find someone someday.” Been there. Tried that. Doesn't work.

I submitted a story to an editor recently. I answered the questions he'd written. He didn't like the way I'd described the main character in my story, a man. Identifying him as being Hoosier, overweight, macho and selfish (they're a dime a dozen, practically a whole fucking species) the editor said something along the lines of, “you realize you've just alienated half your readers.” I wanted to say, “big fucking deal; I've read so much shit by men that has pissed me off, what difference does it make?” But of course it DOES make a difference. Can't hurt men's itty, bitty, widdle feelings. You hurt a man's ego, and instead of crying, eating ice cream or talking to a friend, that's when they pick up their guns and start shooting. Their egos are just so fucking fragile. Now who's the weaker sex? Women get raped, beaten, mutilated, and most of them still solider on. Wound a man's ego, and you've created a monster.

After answering this editor's questions without being a smart ass, he rejected my story. I wonder if I'd given him a blow job, if he would have reconsidered.

But I'm tired. I'm tired of just trying to be me, trying to be kind, and having men be condescending assholes. I guess it's way too much to ask for to be treated with respect. I'm not a whore, I'm not your little girl, I'm not your wife. I'm so fucking sick and tired of dealing with men. That's why I want to move to Canada. EVERYONE was nicer there. EVERYONE. I wasn't afraid to talk to men there. One actually struck up a conversation with me, something that has never, ever happened here in Fort Wayne.

Bottom line: I'm sick of it. Sick of trying to be nice and courteous, and having men treat me like shit, then when I stand up for myself, I'm accused of having attitude. Well, sorry, but when you add in years of being bullied, made fun of, and a little sexual abuse, it does something to you. IF FUCKS WITH YOUR BRAIN. Some women rise above it. Some muddle through. Others kill themselves.

But as for having a man, no thank you. I've bored myself and others talking about my relationship woes. I saw my parents' marriage. I see other's marriages. It's master and slave, no doubt about it. I see domineering females and domineering males; control freaks, way too much compromising. People are married, but how many of those are happy marriages? I've seen way too many train wrecks to ever hope someone with my fucked-up past could find someone. So I am not even going to bother. Some well-meaning friends have suggested I get online and look for someone, but there is just no way.

And if God IS a man, he hates me. I'm sure he created me for his own personal amusement, and if He does exist, I'd like to tell him having half the planet hate me has been one fuck of a wonderful time. Just wonderful. Living in fear all the time. Yes, it's been great. So thanks God, thanks for all the men treating me like dirt. It's been a learning experience, but I'd rather have given my life so my sister could have enjoyed hers. You took the wrong sister.

With Seth MacFarlane, What Did They Expect?

I didn't watch the Oscars, but I've heard some backlash about Seth MacFarlane and his hosting job. I can't really get too wound up about this. I can't quite understand how the marketing/PR folks or whoever the hell it is who books these things and says, "Hey, let's get Madonna/Seth MacFarlane/Michael Moore to host whatever it is we're doing? Do they honestly expect Madonna to tone down her act? Do they expect Seth MacFarlane to do tasteful jokes? Do they think Michael Moore is going to celebrate corporate America?

Well, I guess they do. People are freaking out about MacFarlane's hosting duties. I happen to like the guy; I think he's a talented singer/songwriter, plus I think he's attractive. What the powers that be don't seem to realize is that he has enough money to tell people to kiss his ass. He's made his money in Hollywood, sure, but he is also savvy enough to point out the hypocrisy that runs rampant in this nation.

The "We Saw Your Boobs" song was funny. Come on, it WAS funny! And face it, these movies are not hard-core porn. These women get paid a hell of a lot of money to bare themselves on film. These actresses will not publicly admit how sizeist and sexist Hollywood is, because they want to continue to get parts. Check out how shlubby, fat guys on sitcoms and in the movies ALWAYS have gorgeous wives. Yes, it's probably not like that in real life (I see a lot of couples and usually they are about equal in terms of looks) but you will never, EVER see a shlubby, fat  woman with a drop dead gorgeous guy in the movies or on television. Where are the complaints about THAT?

And of course, the whole thing about actresses having to be size zero and so forth or they won't get work. Listen: at one time I was a size zero, except back then, it was a size 7/8. Word. I had a 22-23 inch waist, and it was the thinnest I'd EVER been as an adult. But back then, the smallest size I could get into was a size 7/8. And of course now, that's borderline fatso size, although I'd kill to be that skinny again. Well, not really. But I think you know what I mean.

MacFarlane deals in tasteless jokes. I don't feel sorry for the Oscar people choosing this guy. THEY chose HIM. You take someone who doesn't take Hollywood seriously and give him Oscar hosting duties? Good luck with that. Of course he's going to joke about everything Hollywood holds dear.

While I acknowledge that women get a shitty deal a large part of the time, how about some rich women building their OWN movie studios and making some movies that hold men to ridiculous standards? Surely, there are some insanely rich women out there (ya listening, Madonna?) who could pony up money for a studio and start producing some good movies, which are also directed by women.

And ladies, if you are ashamed of your boobs, and don't want anyone to see them, then don't post your photos of yourselves in your bras and whatever on Facebook. Don't send them to your soon-to-be-ex boyfriend. In other words, DON'T BE STUPID. Men can't critique them if they can't see 'em.

Lack of Internet Creates Another Life

I don't have Internet at home anymore, and while it's a bit of an inconvenience, I'm not really missing it. Especially Facebook.

I used to be on Facebook all the time, but I'm realizing now how boring it is.

Gotta go back to work now.