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I Miss You, Dad

Eighteen years ago today my dad died.

I'd just got home from work. He seemed like he was struggling. I got him some water, but when I got back, he was gone.

I woke up my mom, who was in another room.

She made the calls and my brother came over to say goodbye.

It was a hot day. I remember later on going out and watering the garden. I offered to drive mom to work, because I knew--just like I know I'm going to die someday--that she would get into a car accident. Don't ask me how I knew. I've had hunches before, and they've happened. Even my brother offered to drive my mom, who insisted on going about her day as if nothing happened. She took care of a boy, and didn't want to let his parents down. She refused.

I eventually went to bed and woke up to an empty house. The note on the dining room table said something along the lines of, "your brother and I went to the car dealership to see how much it costs to fix the car." It was totaled. My mother ended up w…

Did You Choose the Right One???

I ate at the fried veggie booth in Junk Food Alley.

Unfortunately, I think I got food poisoning, because I threw up at work the next day.

Going Back to School

I'm going back to school again, and I hope it's better than grad school was. I had one semester of grad school that was wonderful. The rest sucked, except for the trips to California.

Junk Food Alley

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Its that time of year again!


Which one did I indulge in? Write your choice in a comment!

I Went Anyway

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Ivy Tech has an annual bus trip to Cedar Point this year I wanted to go. I got the time off for it but the night before they cancelled the trip and rescheduled it for 2 weeks out because it was supposed to rain.

This made me mad because I did get time off for it and I wasn't sure that I could get time off for it again especially since I was slated to start a new job and I didn't want to mess up my attendance at either place.

So even though I was broke my car was in the shop I found a place that would rent me a car with my debit card and I got the event organizer to deliver my prepaid ticket to Cedar Point with me the day before.

I wasn't sure if I get to Cedar Point later on this summer inside already requested the day off I thought I'd take a chance and go despite the forecast.

It turned out to be a great day. When I got there it hadn't rained. Later on in the day, I took a walk on the beach and it did rain, but not for very long.

It turned out to be practically a…

So, I Wrote This ...

https://bust.com/living/194778-damaged-little-girl-inside-woman.html

So, nearly two months ago, I had a revelation about something that has bothered me for decades. I was at one of my jobs, thinking about things, and a few hours later it dawned on my why I've felt that men hated me.

It finally made sense that they didn't necessarily hate me, but I was expecting them to relate to me in a way that was impossible for them to comprehend.

It also points out how devastating sexual abuse and bullying can be, especially when it comes to looks. Sometimes the inner voice can be devastating, but listening to the outer voices can be even worse.

I'm hoping that my life will change for the positive since this burden has been lifted. I had no idea how much it impacted my mental health. When the realization hit me, I actually did feel lighter, like I'd solved the ultimate math story problem. For decades, I couldn't figure it out, and despite therapy and anti-depressants, the only …