Friday, December 24, 2010

Some Thoughts on 2010

I spent Christmas Eve doing some last minute shopping with a friend. Id’ stopped by her house to drop off her gift, and she made a comment about having to get a gift. I said she’d better hurry, because it was five to three. She asked if I wanted to come along, and we spent a pleasant couple hours looking at stuff. I got home and put everything away and I got ready to go for a walk with Daphne.
Then there was a knock on my door. A truck was parked in the driveway and I figured it was a neighbor. No, it was a scraggly looking guy who gave me an ornament. “It’s a light for your tree,” he said. I took it, reluctantly. Never mind that you can’t see my tree from the front windows. He asked me if I’d seen something out at Village at Coventry, and I said no. While he was talking nonsense, I discreetly locked the screen door.
He left, and I waited to see if he would visit any of my other neighbors. No. He backed down the driveway and drove off.
Nothing happened. I’ve got a rather run-of-the-mill ornament. But my paranoia reared its ugly head. Who was this guy? And why did he decide I needed an ornament? And what if, when I reached my hand out the door to take the ornament, he’d grabbed me and abducted me? This shit happens. This guy is probably harmless, but I thought it was weird.
Earlier, my friend had asked me if I’d been on any dating sites. I told her I hadn’t. With my work schedule, I can’t imagine anyone would be interested in dating someone without a set work schedule who works pretty much all the time. When I’m off my day job, I do prep for my other job. I told her I didn’t feel like I would meet the kind of guy I want, until I turned into the kind of woman that the kind of guy I want, wants. To be honest, I’m more concerned with my career right now. And my health.
But getting back to the dating thing: I attract strange men. Even in the comfort of my own home, I am a magnet for weirdoes. I am scared to date. I can understand zany, funny craziness, but randomly driving around handing out ornaments and saying they’re “lights”? Asking me if I’ve been to a shopping center across town to look at something? Uh, no.
It’s been a busy, eventful year. Time seems like it goes faster and faster each year. And I feel like I don’t make any real positive steps in the direction where I want to go. Oh well. It’s not been a bad year. It could have been better, but it also could have been worse.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Thursday, November 25, 2010

What I did on Thanksgiving

Friday, September 24, 2010

Half-hearted Political Rant

People are extremely pissed off about the political situation in the United States. Democrats hate the Republicans, Republicans hate the Democrats.

Listen up people—you will be much happier once you face the facts: America is fucked. NAFTA has destroyed the manufacturing sector. Globalization of business means you will not have a job if someone overseas can do it cheaper. And make no mistake about it: they can, and they will. Millions of Chinese will work six or seven days a week, 10-12 hours a day, for 60 cents an hour. There’s no way we can compete with that. I would not be surprised if the teaching profession is outsourced—give each kid his own computer in school and have the lesson taught by someone in India. Security guards? They’ll be replaced by codes punched on a keypad, or by door cards and cameras. Low-paid technicians around the world are reading your ultra scan results. My advice is learn to do something that has to be done here. Learn to mop. Be a carpenter. Become a surgeon. Not everyone can do these things, or is willing to do these things. They can learn to operate a French fryer or wrap tacos. You’ll be low-paid, but you’ll have a job. So shut up and get used to it.

As for politics, there is no one party that’s going to fix things. We need a full scale revolution. An overthrow of the government. But it won’t happen, because everyone is too fat and lazy. A million people liking an “Overthrow the Government” page on Facebook isn’t going to do shit. Fuck Facebook.

Both major political parties are jokes. Everyone in politics has their own agenda. That’s why they are in politics. If their agenda happens to match yours, and they manage to change things, then you’ve lucked out. Politicians can’t make it in the private sector. That’s why people run for office. They have an agenda, or someone they know does. I’m ashamed to admit I ran for city council a few years ago. I was talked into it by an ex-boyfriend. I tried to get out of it, but I either had to commit a felony, or move out of state. Neither one was an option at the time, so I halfheartedly started a blog and asked people what they’d like to see in downtown Fort Wayne. I got some interesting responses, but that’s all I got. I never really went out and campaigned or did fund raisers, because I really felt I shouldn’t be running. Ironically enough, on election day, I ended up with more votes than my (then) boyfriend did, and it pissed him off to no end.

I ran as a Libertarian, which is a story in itself. Every so often I see a letter to the editor saying it’s time for a third party. We’ve had a third party for quite some time, unfortunately, they are just as fucked up as the other two. The Libertarians appear to have some problems—number one, no one really seems to be able to figure them out. They are socially open minded. Some of them want to legalize drugs; a majority of them appear to not care what you do, as long as you don’t ask for help from anyone, particularly the government. They don’t care what kind of lifestyle you lead; feel free to be as amoral as possible. However, the Libertarians seem to have a bug up their butt about spending money. Libertarians have to be the cheapest people on the planet. There’s nothing wrong about being frugal; I’ve changed my spending habits over the past year or so and I try not to buy unnecessary things. But—the Libertarians, by their very frugality, should be the richest people on the planet. Yet no one really seems to realize they exist, until you hear that a dominatrix happens to be running for state rep on the Libertarian ticket. Or they get someone like Howard Stern to run. Libertarians are in dire need of some positive public relations. If that means hiring a PR firm, so be it. But when you run whack jobs on the ticket, you shouldn’t be surprised when people roll their eyes when you say you’re a Libertarian. They’re going to expect you to be a gun-toting, drooling, militia member. Libertarians are like the guy at the singles’ dance who appears to be rather normal, until you realize he’s wearing green, red and white plaid pants with a lavender paisley shirt and Crocs. He may even sound rational if you go up and talk to him, but his outfit makes you wonder what the hell he’s thinking. So it is with Libertarians who also think everyone is perfectly able to take care of themselves. It’s obvious Libertarians don’t work in social services. Has any Libertarian told some severely handicapped 18-year-old kid confined to a wheelchair, with his head permanently rolled to one side who has an IQ of perhaps 35 that he’s going to have to get a job and support himself once he graduates high school? Has any Libertarian spent some time in a group home for mentally challenged adults? Have they spent time in a nursing home? Libertarians all seem to think that everyone is 35 years old, perfectly healthy, has a successful business (because working for someone else is for pussies) and can pay for their own private health insurance (because pre-existing conditions are for pussies) and makes at least $20,000 more than their state’s median income level. It will take a long time before Libertarians are taken seriously, because they need to stop nominating people like Howard Stern, people who are into “alternative lifestyles” and people like me. I’m pro-people, which probably makes me a socialist. I want people to have enough food, adequate shelter, access to education and health care, and not have to worry so much about stuff. I’d like to erase the resentment of sick people in this country. I’ve actually heard people say the way to deal with the health care situation in the United States is simply, “don’t get sick.” Tell that to the parents of a five-year-old girl, recently diagnosed with cancer, who don’t have health insurance. Tell it to your 26-year-old son, who is unemployed, who got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

It should be obvious to everyone people who run for office can’t make it anywhere else. If politicians really wanted to work for the good of the people, they’d find a way to support themselves while in office. Either they’d get contributions from people, or they would be wealthy enough to work for change without taking taxpayer’s money, but then it might backfire, ensuring that only rich people would get elected. The rich can buy politicians, which is why they no longer work for all of us, just some of us.

I don’t pretend to have all the answers. But I don’t look to the future with anticipation and joy. How long will it take until we run out of cash, out of jobs, out of housing, food and resources? How long will it take until we truly want to take back our nation? We’re like the frog in the pan of water. As the heat gets turned up, we get used to it. But we’re too dumb to realize we’re getting cooked. Is voting truly the way out? Not when your candidates are already hand-picked for you. And they are.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Saturday, August 21, 2010

I'm Okay, but You're Not, and You're a Piece of Shit, Too

I know I haven’t written lately. Not that anyone actually reads this blog, but I’m realizing some things about myself. I haven’t liked people for years, but more importantly, I don’t know how to handle the shittier ones. You know the ones—subtle put-downs, flat-out condescension, aim for your heart nasty remarks. I deal with that at one of my jobs. It gets kind of annoying, because of course, if I treated these people the same way they treat me, I’d be written up, or fired.
I never learned how to stand up for myself, or be assertive, without going all serial killer bitch on someone. I either get walked all over, or people threaten to call the cops on me. It’s never a happy medium. I’m shocked when people are rude to me. Then, while my jaw is still on the floor, these bitches/bastards walk away, leaving me to wonder what the hell just happened.
I’ve been getting annoyed at work, and I’ve been letting it show. The same story—having to do a task, but needing a co-worker to help me. Everyone is overworked, as it seems lately there is only one person in each department at almost any time. You’re lucky if you get an hour overlap, when there’s actually two people in a department. So of course I got yelled at for not getting something done, but I actually did need a co-worker to perform a very important task with me—had I not gotten this co-worker to help me out, and had I attempted to solve the problem on my own, I would have been fired. Too complicated to go into now, but trust me on this. Even though it was my department manager who got on my case, when I asked him for help, he refused.
I’m near the boiling point right now. I’m angry, frustrated, and just want to smack some people right now. My mouth has gotten me into trouble before, and I won’t be surprised if it happens again.
For several years, I hated men with a passion. I never dated. I want them to act the way I want them to act, but they are not wired to act that way. So if I want male companionship, I have to be okay with the fact they don’t really want ME, they just want my vagina and boobs. It’s getting so I’m really hating men again. And, like years ago, I’m having a hard time explaining it to people. Treat me with kindness and respect, okay? Only we are not living in a sane, rational, mannered world. Today’s culture and attitude makes me wish I had millions so I could run away. And I would, too. At this point, I don’t think it would be hard at all to just take off and really not see my friends again. Maybe that sounds harsh, but when your “friends” flat out put you down, say nasty things, make you look stupid for their amusement, you begin to wonder if human contact is worth the effort. Lately, for me, it’s not.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Courtesy of the Wayback Machine

The following is an article I wrote for a 'zine I published years ago and decided to put on the web. From time to time, I will put these up. Sorry I haven't written in a while. My life got super-crazy in late May, and work was frustrating and atressful. Things have settled down a bit.

Some thoughts on September 11, 2001

Oh my God, what have they done to the town I loved so well?

from the Irish folk song, "The Town I loved so well"

It was just another day for me. I got up in the afternoon (give me a break, I work nights) and went to the bank. While waiting for my business to be transacted, I saw someone walk by with a stack of newspapers. I saw the headline was huge, but couldn't actually read it. After I was finished at the bank, I walked over to the newspaper display. The morning paper had some mundane headline. "What's going on?" I thought. The elderly greeter pointed out a stack of afternoon papers on the table.

And that's when it stopped being just another day.

The headline said it all: Terrorists Attack U.S. It didn't seem true, but this wasn't April Fool's Day. It was September 11, my parent's 47th wedding anniversary. The day my certificate of deposit matured. And it was the day unthinkable acts happened.

Copyright ® 2001

The World Trade Center, gone. I'd been in tower two, some 14 years ago. I had the pictures to prove it, too. I scrambled to find them. I had to prove to myself that the World Trade Center HAD existed. The pictures showed a variety of scenes: looking out from tower two to tower one; looking down at lower Manhattan; looking up at the twin towers from the plaza that separated them; a shot of a homeless person snoozing in the tower two lobby. And it was all gone.

The crash at the Pentagon rattled me too, for a different reason. That's where the military is. Didn't they know it was coming? But of course not. Why would they? The hijackers plan, as described by a bank patron, was "brilliant." Use American commercial airliners to take out symbols of American wealth and power. And as we found out later, use American know-how (in the form of aviation schools) and a lax security system to do it.

I didn't have to go to work that night. I'd called in, and as a result of the airports being closed, it meant not much work to do. I stayed glued to the television that night,; my only break being a walk that I took with my dog.

And the images played over and over. It was an action-adventure movie come to life, only without Steven Segal, or Arnold Schwarzenegger to the rescue. It was Dan Rather apologizing profusely for the language used in an amateur videotaping of the second crash. It was the "did that really happen" feeling when footage of the first crash, taken from filmmakers doing a documentary on firefighters, was shown. It was more amateur video from a closer location showing the second plane going into the south tower.

People falling from the buildings. That got me the most, I think. Imagine going into work, you're sipping your coffee, when all of a sudden, there's a plane coming right at you. You figure you're going to die either way. Burn to death, or jump?

The sadness of it didn't really hit me until the Thursday after. Coming out of work, the music of "Rhapsody in Blue" filled my mind. That piece of music, more than any other, personifies New York to me. And I was thinking of the city I loved so well, subjected to this. I started to cry.

Anger and paranoia set in

I got mad and scared. We couldn't have seen this coming. These men had lived in the U.S., had kids and wives and still felt duty-bound to obey some madman thousands of miles away. After leaving the disgusting despair of a third-world country, how on earth could they live in the U.S., in comfort and safety, and do this? Get rid of them, I thought. Deport every middle easterner who doesn't have citizenship. Get the Taliban out of Afghanistan. And get bin Laden and whoever else is involved in this and don't even give them a trial. Just execute the sons of bitches.

But that isn't what America stands for. After I cooled off, I started to feel a bit sorry for the peaceful Islamic followers who were horrified by this attack, as were millions worldwide. There are fanatics in every religion, I guess, but most Americans tend to associate the word "fundamentalists" with the word Islamic before it. A handful of Christians may blow up abortion clinics from time to time, but would they pull something like this? I hope not.

Retaliation? Yes.

A pen pal in Brazil and I have been writing for over 10 years now. We communicate by email, it's so much quicker and cheaper. He'd hoped that the U.S. wouldn't retaliate with force, but I said it was impossible to think that they wouldn't. The attack was probably the biggest "fuck you" it had ever received. Taking OUR planes and attacking OUR buildings on OUR own soil. It was a matter of time that we'd strike back. And we'll get struck back. Maybe not next month, but maybe next year.

It's an impossible situation to deal with. Talk show hosts have discussed closing the borders. But that won't guarantee safety either. Two of the terrorists had lived in the states for years. How were we to know what they were going to do? How do we know what anyone is going to do in the future? If we did, we wouldn't have any crime.

As I write this, the Taliban will probably surrender. As cities are freed in Afghanistan, men are shaving their beards, women are taking off their burqas. To all you peaceniks out there, just stop and imagine this: Imagine living in a country so oppressive you couldn't wear what you wanted or do anything that was the least bit out of the ordinary. If you walked too fast, you would be beaten. THIS is what it was like under the Taliban. They are a bunch of assholes. Now, imagine if they took over the U.S. Would life be worth living? I think not. I logged on to the Revolutionary Afghan Women's Association website ( before going to bed one night and I had a nightmare. The Taliban had taken over the city or the state or maybe the country and I had to sneak out of my own house to escape. That's pretty disturbing, as I felt in my dream I couldn't trust anyone or anything. My niece has dreams of killing Osama bin Laden. Jesus, it's really fucking sick and frightening to think little American kids are having bad dreams about someone thousands of miles away.

Proud to be an American?

I have mixed feelings about the acres of flags flapping around town. I cringed when I heard Arabs referred to as "sand niggers," "ragheads," and other unflattering names. I saw people out to make a buck, selling bin Laden on a t-shirt, with crosshairs superimposed over him. I watched part of the concert for New York, taking in James Taylor's set. I watched Michael J. Fox introduce some members of the police and fire department, the latter being booed for reasons I'm still unsure of. I watched Mike Moran tell bin Laden, "You can kiss my royal Irish ass. Remember my face, bitch." Poor Michael J. looked a little embarrassed. And I'd had enough. I resumed channel-surfing.

I believe I live in the greatest country in the world. But our foreign policy sucks. We've provided support in some way, shape or form to several terrible people in the Mid-East. And bin Laden was one of them. Remember the Soviet-Afghan war? Guess who we supported? Guess who won? And now, bin Laden is on our most-wanted list. Despite giving aid to him to help defeat the Soviets, he still hates America and everything it stands for. Freedom. Mobility. The opportunity to become a millionaire. Or president. Opportunities for women to dress, think, educate and act as they please. And, until Sept. 11, a relatively safe country to pursue those ambitions. Lower Manhattan resembled a war zone that looked like it had been beamed in from Bosnia. But here it was, about 750 miles away.

Mayor Rudolph Giuliani refused some moolah from a Saudi rich boy, after he'd suggested that perhaps the attack on the World Trade Center was a result of our Mid-East policies. That's only part of the reason. We back some real assholes there and around the world, and people in those resent it because it makes their lives miserable. And wouldn't you be a bit pissed if you were living in a country where the dictator was educated and funded by the U.S.? Especially if that dictator executed people just for disagreeing with the government, or had several rich friends that didn't want to have any poor people living near them. If that dictator took your land away, which represented a livelihood for you and your family and gave it to an American corporation, say McDonald's, you'd be upset. Particularly if the cattle which are now grazing on your land weren't going to end up as hamburgers on your plate.

On the other hand, the U.S. has done a lot of things that other countries wouldn't, or couldn't. Like bailing out Europe and Japan after World War II. Sending aid to foreign countries. Or trying to push back an invader in a foreign country. Does Vietnam ring a bell? For you younger types, remember the Gulf War?

Copyright ® 2001

The U.S. government seems to have a split personality. We see ourselves as the good guys, regardless of what we do. But take away our oil, and we are screwed. As much as we may resent the Middle Eastern countries, their culture and their religion, we need them. I think the U.S. will continue to be hated in the Mid-East, even if we pull out of Israel and say, "you're on your own." I don't think anything will stop terrorism, as long as there are fanatics in the world, but cutting our dependence on foreign oil will be a step in the right direction. As much as some people claim to hate the "ragheads," without them and their oil, those patriotic Americans wouldn't be driving their gas-hogging SUV's and pick-up trucks. And they drive them. And these people aren't willing to put their resentment where their feet are. Now is the time when we really should be developing and researching alternative fuel sources. The less we are dependent on Middle Eastern oil, the less power they have over us.

What next?

Then, we had Anthrax to worry about. As if the terrorists hadn't given us enough to deal with, springing an attack on a country on the edge of a recession, we find out our mail isn't safe either. Thousands of jobs disappeared when the airlines were grounded. I imagine tourist areas are hurting too. As an extra kick in the ass, Anthrax was mailed to some prominent people. The U..S Postal Service lost two employees. Sick humorists and those who dislike the post office might be gloating over the fact that the latest postal deaths weren't caused by gunfire. Talk about your dead letters. These were deadly.

And adding insult to injury, just two months and one day after the World Trade Center attacks, an American Airlines jet crashes into a middle-class Queens neighborhood. Several firefighters and police officers live there, and going to funerals and memorial services seemed like a never-ending chore. Now, a plane crashes where several firefighters and police officers had lived before they died in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks. More bodies to account for, more wreckage, more images of flames and smoke. Can we take much more of this? The local airport and the President, as well as others have been trying to coax reluctant tourists back into the air. While I don't believe the plane crash was a terrorist attack, it is just another thing to freak the American people out. The terrorist attacks pushed us over the edge into a recession. The airlines are dying. And this latest crash isn't going to help.

Am I scared for the future? In a general sense, yes. There are many people in the world who are more powerful than I am. Governments are currently at work, torturing, killing, oppressing and experimenting on their own people. They're working on annihilation of cultures and countries they feel are inferior to their own. There's very little I can do about the situation. I didn't ask to be alive in this day and age. The only thing I can do is enjoy my life. Do the things I am capable of. Do nice things for others. Because people essentially haven't changed. They are still cruel and do horrible things. The only differences between cruelty now and cruelty in the past is that today we are more sophisticated in our destruction. Plus, we have CNN to report and spread the news about the latest atrocities around the clock.

I don't have any solutions. But life can change so much in minutes, even seconds. I don't condone going on a robbing or killing spree, but reevaluate things in your life. What's more important: that extra overtime you are offered, or spending a quiet evening with your loved ones? Okay, so you hate your family. Hopefully you have friends or a hobby that you enjoy. So enjoy them. Because tomorrow may never come. Or if it does, it might be your last.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

My Most Successful YouTube Video Yet!

You like it! You really like it! The Souder video has had the most hits of any of my videos! Thanks for watching!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Mark Souder Fucks Up. Literally.

I realize it's been a while. But work has been insane. INSANE! But I've still got my creative juices flowing. Thank you, Mark Souder, for making LOTS of people happy today.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Trying this again

Lipoma on My Shoulder!

Made a video about the tumor I had on my shoulder.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

And Isn't it Ironic...?

Before I made my first delivery today, one of our customers who comes in every single morning said he refuses to shop at Meijer, because every time a new location opens up, demonstrators are out in front of the store saying Meijer isn't union, the pay is low and so forth. The customer said, "unions are communist." A co-worker said, "unions once had their place in this country, but not anymore."

This customer, probably a contractor, has a job that allows him to shop every single day. No doubt he bills the customer for this time. No doubt he probably has a set schedule to his days, either working eight hours a day, or perhaps 10, but I'm guessing there's a quitting hour for him, and he decides that.

My co-worker probably got a 15 minute break two hours after she clocked in; probably took her hour lunch about four hours after she clocked in. She might have eaten during that hour; she might have run a few errands, grabbing a bite to eat while driving, or perhaps she sat out in the parking lot and napped, or smoked a couple cigarettes. Two hours after lunch give or take a few minutes, she probably got her afternoon break. And two hours after that, give or take a few minutes, she probably clocked out.

Today, I worked 11 1/2 hours without a break or lunch hour. I ran into problems at almost every stop today, causing further delays. I came back and unloaded my truck by myself. I had a couple people push some heavy appliances onto the cart so I could get them put away. I also took the trash out of the truck without any help. On top of that, I have a cold. I did some paperwork, but realized it would take another half hour to fill out a piece of paper that I'm going to have to do, so I put it off. I'll do it tomorrow. I'll probably get yelled at for that, but after such a long day, no breaks at all, my math skills are less than zero. Due to some sort of policy, I almost had to wait after I clocked out to LEAVE MY WORKPLACE. Yes, that's right. After a certain time of day, if you are clocked out, you have to wait to leave. A co-worker let me out. I hope she doesn't get into trouble for it.

So it's ironic, that both co-worker who agreed with the customer that unions are bullshit, communist, socialist and for faggy wimps, probably got to go home at a decent hour and enjoy a nice supper and an evening where they could do whatever they wanted. After my 11 1/2 hour day, I went home, let my dog out, and ate a couple fistfuls of chocolate while on the toilet. I'm too tired to do laundry, so I'll just wear a pair of dirty jeans tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll find a clean shirt in the morning. I got undressed, put on my sleep shirt, and opened up my laptop to write this. I got home at 9:45 p.m. and have to be back at work at 6:45 a.m. That's nine hours from now. So much for getting eight hours of sleep.

So if you're reading this and bitching about how unions are ruining this country, if you got to clock out after eight hours today, and if you got to take a couple breaks and chat with your co-workers about the health care reform bill, fuck you. FUCK YOU. And do a little research for me, would you? Check out the history of the eight hour day. See how it came about. Here's a hint: The Republican Party wasn't the one who brought this about. No, it was a union. Read up, and enjoy your eight hour day with two 15 minute breaks, you commie socialist fag hypocrite.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

My Recent Thoughts on Health Care

I'm not optimistic about any decent health care reform going through this weekend. I'm thinking this way for a couple of reasons. One, the health insurance industry makes too much money and is in the business of making it, not helping you with your health expenses. Two, doctors are not really in the business of making you well; they are concerned about getting you dependent on medicine. How many of you have been given "samples" when you confront the doctor with a problem? There never seems to be any concrete search for the actual problem. Years ago, I had a rash on my hands (primarily my right hand) that never seemed to go away. I went to the doctor, and he said it could be one of several hundred things causing it. He prescribed a steroid-based ointment that was $95 a tube. It worked, but once I ran out, the rash returned. I was convinced the rash was caused by something internal. By chance, I came across a magazine article about candida; I read it and it sure sounded like what I was going through. Bloating, trying to lose weight, skin rash. Bingo! So I did what the article suggested and in a week, my rash of several years was gone in a week. I bought a bottle of supplements ($17) ate the foods the article recommended and cut back on my sugar. That was it. My doctor, on the other hand, didn't ask any questions about my diet.

Now, I've developed another problem. Every so often, I throw up in the mornings when I have my first bowel movement of the day. It's a dry heave, because there's nothing on my stomach. I've tried identifying what triggers it. Looks like Coke Zero is the culprit. Too bad, because I really like it, but now I guess I shouldn't be drinking pop after 7 p.m. Probably shouldn't drink pop at all.

Another thing I'm starting to wonder is, do we as Americans truly deserve health care? I'm not talking about the people born with a certain health condition, although I'm sure some would argue it's not worth shelling out $150,000+ for some baby born to uninsured, poor parents. People are naturally selfish. They want to be saved first, everyone else can wait. So how do you decide who gets helped? Especially when that baby's parents are not too bright to begin with, and come from abusive families. That $150,000 "investment in life" might not look so good 18 years from now, when that fragile baby is now a sneering teenager who dropped out of school and has a pregnant girlfriend.

Okay, so I'm all gloom and doom about things, but you have to wonder sometimes. Crime has gone down, and I'm wondering how much it has to do with legalized abortion. If you really don't want a baby, and are forced to have it, how good of a mom do you think you're going to be? It's the anti-abortion people who don't quite understand this. The newspapers and television are chock-full of the latest stupid parents who have locked their kids in the minivan while they go gambling. Or, they forget to drop the baby off at daycare, and let the kid roast in the car while they spend eight hours on the job. It amazes me that everything is regulated, but any damn fool can have a kid, and all too frequently they do.

Another point about how "deserving" we are of health care: we are all a bunch of fat asses. I've struggled with my weight for decades. However, I've learned some things about nutrition and exercise. I'm not an expert, by any means, but I've tried to do some sort of exercise program. I started exercising on a regular basis again once my doctor cleared me to go back to work after my surgery. I've noticed that I sleep a tad better. I also don't feel as depressed about things after I've worked out and I'm cooling down. I also feel like I've been "cleansed" on the inside. So there are definite benefits to exercise. But I do have a problem with food. I love to eat. I hate to cook. When I do cook, it's excellent. I do eat out entirely too much, and if I've had a hard day at work, I don't pick up a beer, I head for a restaurant. I've realized this behavior in myself and I hate it as much as an alcoholic who realizes his or her condition hates what he or she is doing.

So, the fatness of America scares me. I see people I know who literally waddle, and it would probably take them a good half hour to walk the part of the block of my street that I live on. Doing anything remotely physical with them is a bad idea; no laser tag, or walking around Headwaters during Three Rivers Festival or even Putt Putt Golf. I know at least five people who are morbidly obese. If they live, they can expect at the very least, diabetes and heart problems. And if they go on disability, there's another added expense, in addition to hospital and doctor visits.

And let's not forget the young men who function on Mountain Dew, Doritos and energy drinks. They fill themselves with crap and they don't care, and are proud to tell you so.

So the health care issue is a slippery slope. It's going to cost us. But it's already costing us. Everyone who uses the ER to get treatment who can't pay helps drive up the cost. There are other factors involved, of course, but there's no denying health care is expensive.

Would it be out of line to offer "rewards" in the form of reduced health care premiums to those who don't smoke, maintain an acceptable weight for their height and body frame, those who have lost weight, and to those who exercise (although that might be hard to monitor)? I realize that sort of smacks of "earning your health care" but might make those "Doritos and Dew" for breakfast types wake up a bit. I'd feel better if my tax dollars went to save someone's grandma rather than some 22-year-old video gamer who won't amount to much.

And that's part of the problem. No one wants to pay for someone else's health care, yet we want "the system" to step in and take care of US. I don't think there are any easy answers. I don't think government-run health care has to suck, but it's not going to be perfect either. Still, one has to wonder when you look at other countries and their health care systems. Their populations seem to live longer than we do. That's got to count for something.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Spring Forward

I still can't get used to Daylight Savings Time. But I'll move my clock ahead anyway.

Years ago, I'd refuse to adjust the clock on the VCR, showing "Indiana time" all year round.

I'm still in my "don't give a shit mood." I've been running more red lights lately, and basically sometimes refusing to do things people ask me to do. It's fun to say "no" which is probably why I really like teaching. If my students don't do the work, I can flunk them and my boss backs me up. Not so much in my other job, where people can insult me and I still have to be pleasant. FUCK THAT!

Monday, March 8, 2010

New Mood

I'm in a "don't give a shit" mood. Today, some guy yelled that I'd run a red light. Really? Really and truly? Gee, I was in the middle of the intersection, and I had to wait until the fucking light turned red before I could go. Stupid old asshole jackass.

Also, the computers keep fucking up at work; not showing all the supposed deliveries for the day, so sometimes we'll end up with a last-minute delivery that never shows up on the delivery boards that we can access.

It's frustrating. Very frustrating. I'm not caring about a lot of stuff anymore, but in a way, it's liberating. Hopefully this new attitude will help in more than just one way.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Errands, Schmerrands

Got a lot done today, then came home and sorted through mail from the past month or so. I was so tired last night, I went to be at 9:30. It was an 11 hour day without lunch, but I did manage to feed myself, then go to bed. I hear all this talk about maintaining a healthy balance between work, family and whatever else is going on in one's life, but in my world, there is no balance. I keep wondering if I will die early if I keep on working three jobs and neglecting my body. I'm going to stop right now, because if I continue, I'll be plunging into a depressing missive about my life.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

We're Number One!

I walked into Dollar General after work today and saw a headline saying that Allen County leads the state in chlamydia cases. We're the fattest, most smokingest and now the nastiest in terms of social diseases. I burst out laughing in the store, because if something is bad or unhealthy, we are all over it like white on rice.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

It's Been a While

I have two addictions taking up my time--Facebook and YouTube. I got high speed Internet access (wireless) about a month ago and I am more than hooked. I'm looking at all sorts of shit on YouTube--plane crash videos, music videos, people squeezing giant cysts and pimples (now I don't feel so bad about my skin problems) women suffering from anorexia, Parry Gripp videos...unreal. Then there's Facebook. A great tool for keeping in touch with people you don't necessarily want to talk to (!) but it can be a time waster as well. I don't play FarmVille or any of those other games. I like video games and I played a few on the Playstation2 when I was off recovering from my surgery, but my time is short, and I have to make the most of it. If I have free time, I spend it sleeping, eating, writing, doing creative stuff or going online. Speaking of creative stuff, I finished the parody music video I was working on.

I feel my life is going to be changing again. It's just a hunch, but it seems like sometimes when I try really hard to do something, it's like it's overkill and I fail, or fuck up, or whatever. When I calmly try to approach something, it seems like it works. I worked with a life coach for three months three years ago because I won a contest on a writing website. (I was actually more interested in the $50 gift card from Borders that I also received.) Anyway, the visualization and the positive thoughts I was supposed to think got old after a while. I couldn't make my life coach happy, I picked a diet that she didn't like (Atkins) and I flat out told her the only diet I could really stick to was my "Eat whatever the hell I want diet." However, I can't lose weight on it, so if I want to dump pounds, I obviously have to pick something that actually works.

I don't know if I believe in the whole "positive thinking" movement--Barbara Ehrenreich recently published a book about it--but I do have "hunches," "women's intuition," whatever the hell you want to call it. I am not interested in football, yet the past three Superbowls, I picked the winning team. A few weeks ago, my car needed repairing, and I was positive the repair bill would be more than $200. (It was $700+.) In 1998, I felt that my family would be tested in some way, something major was going to happen to our family. (In December, we found out mom had cancer, but it hadn't spread.) In 2000, I knew my dad wouldn't last the year, and he didn't (he died in August.) These instances don't necessarily mean that I'm right all the time, but I have these gut feelings about certain things, and usually I'm right. Not ALL the time, but some of the time.

Despite my occasional depression, I seem to land on my feet. But I think I need to change my way of thinking sometimes; because if there are some things in life that you CAN'T change, and your perceived happiness depends on the things you can't change, obviously, you won't be happy. I'm struggling a little with that right now. But I'm going through one of those introspective periods in my life, and I think that's because work (my three jobs) has slowed down a bit and has become a tad less chaotic. Plus, I'm feeling better. It's amazing how much better you feel when you're not throwing up every day, and you actually have an appetite and you don't have excruciating abdominal pain. The loss of appetite was weird for me; that plus the throwing up resulted in a weight loss of about 20 pounds (which I've regained most of, sadly). The loss of appetite was due to an infection. Nothing sounded good, and if I did have a hankering for something, if it was greasy, it came up or slid out. So at times I was afraid to eat, because if I was going to be sick, there wasn't much point.

I wish I could talk to my mom. I feel like I've gone through my life madly searching for something; trying hard but failing. I wonder what she'd say if she could talk to me. I'm starting to regret various things and it's bothering me. I wish I could shut my mind off, sometimes. Maybe that's why I work two and three jobs and I'm constantly doing something; listening to music, or reading, or writing, or watching YouTube videos or getting on Facebook or Wiki: the more occupied I am, the less time I have to think about what I would like to do, and wondering if I have the energy to do it, and my financial situation, and wanting to be able to live in Toronto, and so forth and so on. If you're occupied, you don't have time to reflect.

It's getting late (well, it IS late) and I bought a book today and want to continue with it. I hope it will give me some direction for a book project I'm working on. I would like to feel good about writing this thing. Even if I never get it published, I would like to have written something book-length. I keep saying about my various experiences, "I've got to write a book about this," but I never do.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

These Are Lyrics!!!????

Went to karaoke last night and was subjected to “Single Ladies” which I’d heard for the first time a few days ago. This is proof that the craft of songwriting has fallen into the toilet. If I never hear the words, “if you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it” again I will be perfectly happy. It seemed like 50 percent of the song consisted of those words repeated over and over. I was just on YouTube, and Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance has the nonsensical refrain, “la la, uuum la la, gaga uuum ba ba” or whatever the hell it is.

The song sort of reminded me of karaoke last night; there was a woman who basically was looking at the lyrics but the sounds she made were along the lines of “glarh, blah errrgh ummm rearh arch wah wah.” I know those aren’t the lyrics to “Johnny B. Goode.”

The Boob Tube

Why am I watching The Bachelor? Sometimes I think I SHOULD pay for cable.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Swiss Way

The Swiss seem to have their shit together. They stay out of conflicts and generally seem like they care about things. I'm sure there are some things they don't do well, but looking around at the incompetency I see running rampant in nearly every area that I have to deal with in my life (work, customer service, doctors/hospitals) I'd like to live in Switzerland for a while and appreciate the difference.

That being said, there was something on the national news tonight about modeling the U.S. health care system after the one the Swiss have. Sure, it has flaws and it's expensive. A big part of the roadblock is that everyone thinks nationalized health care will be perfect, but it won't. Even I realize that. But the Swiss realize it too. The report said their health care system was like a Rolex. In case you don't know, Rolex is a very expensive, high quality watch.

Health care CAN be done right. But what I don't understand is why lots of people here are so gloom and doom about it. If America has such smart people, great technology and wonderful engineering, why can't we do a health system that IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD? Wouldn't it be a coup to devise a system that is the envy of those countries who already HAVE national health care? Instead, we complain that it's going to get worse and that national health care will destroy the nation, bankrupt us, blah, blah, blah. The banking industry and Corporate America have bankrupted us already.

And why haven't diet and nutrition been emphasized more? Because we're lazy. Part of it is that health studies/reports are released, and one minute, fruit is good for you, the next month, you need to avoid certain fruits, because they have too much fructose. A former family doctor didn't ask me about my diet when I came to him with a skin rash that I'd had off and on for years. He just prescribed an expensive ($95 per tube) steroid-based ointment. It worked, but when I ran out, the rash came back.

A couple years later, I saw a magazine at the grocery store (and I still have it) that mentioned Candida, a yeast that grows in your intestines. It feeds on the slightest bit of sugar. So I followed the suggestions in the article. I cut back on my sugar, started taking L-Glutamine, ate broccoli, and ate sugar-free yogurt (to bring in good bacteria.) In a week, my rash was gone. If the doctor had asked me about my diet, I could have avoided the ointment just by eating better.

Speaking of diet, I was in the grocery store today when I saw an overweight woman with 12-pack of antioxidant diet 7-Up in her cart. It would have been healthier for her to just eat some fruit, but that, no doubt, would have been too much work.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Americans Are Hypocrites

So Rush Limbaugh left the Hawaii hospital where he went for chest pains and said, "there is nothing wrong with the U.S. health care system." Well, of course he would say that! If you have insurance or can AFFORD health care, you would think there is nothing long as YOU can get the care you need. And the smug assholes who DO have insurance point fingers at the uninsured, telling them all they need to do is find a job that offers health insurance. Good luck with that. The jobs that are out there are either part time (which don't offer insurance) or are "independent contractor" positions, which don't offer insurance either.

I would LOVE to just take away health care from the "haves" for a year or two, then enjoy watching the reactions of people like my brother and sister in law, or my hypocritical co-worker who is against socialized medicine but is perfectly okay with Medicaid taking care of his girlfriend's pregnancy expenses when something happens to THEM.

One would argue that in this country, if you can't afford it, you don't deserve it. So I guess we Americans don't deserve health, because your average woman probably doesn't have $27,000 to pay out of pocket for a uterine artery embolization. I don't NEED a Bentley, which costs over $100,000, but I DO need my health. Being healthy means I can continue to feel good and, from a patriotic standpoint, continue to be a pawn for Corporate America and work, work, work, then work some more to generate income, so it can be taxed, so my hard-earned bucks can fund unmarried women who are dumb enough to get pregnant and whose boyfriends don't want to take financial responsibility.Does anyone think this is FUCKED?

I had a conversation with a friend who is now teaching in Thailand. He knows other Americans who are over there teaching, and they've seen the writing on the wall. America's best days are over. Its citizens are led by propaganda whores on the radio who didn't even graduate college, they think so little of themselves, if they get sick and can't afford care, oh well, if they are hard-working but lose their jobs, and can't find other positions, they are made to feel like losers. It's not the economy, it's YOU. Sure it is. This country is being fleeced, and we are made to feel like shit because we're poor.

On the other hand, although I believe health care is really important, and there should be a bigger emphasis on preventative care, I worry that whatever bill is passed, there will be thousands of idiots who will continue to eat Pop Tarts and drink Mountain Dew for breakfast. Our tax dollars will also have to fund their diabetes. I don't feel good about this, but I do feel that the people who are making an effort should be helped out. But if you know better, and KNOW that you know better, shut your trap and stop complaining about government "intrusion" and take care of your illegitimate child who will probably grow up to get pregnant or get someone pregnant, just like YOU did. I work hard for my money, and I'd rather give it to people who really deserve it, not idiots.