Wednesday, December 30, 2015

The Big Ass San Francisco Photo Album

Because too much is never enough, I took three cameras with me on my trip in November. All three had video capabilities. But I have to say the camera I used the most was the one on my Samsung Galaxy III smartphone. I also got to try my Canon EOS T5 Rebel. I can't figure out why cameras are so macho. Even the box design is full of testosterone. Ladies and gentlemen, EXTREME PHOTOGRAPHY!!!

Anyway, I'm going to label these photos. CP stands for cameraphone, T5 stands for my majorly macho photographic investment. I like the ease of using my cameraphone, but after realizing I've wanted a decent DSLR for the past ten years, I caved. There are worse addictions. For ease of use, I put the Rebel T5 on lazy program mode and shot away. This was helpful when I was on moving vehicles getting shots of the city.

Mr. Bill takes on an arm wrestler at Musee Mechanique. If you like all sorts of arcade games and attractions, you'll love this place. I recommend going on a weekday shortly after it opens. You'll have the place to yourself.

Predictably, Mr. Bill got his ass kicked.

You know you're in a fancy neighborhood when the trees are gated. I think I was in Pacific Heights when I took this.


You know you have big hair when it blocks out part of a bridge.

There, that's better.

Hey, look! It's the Mrs. Doubtfire house! 2640 Steiner Street. 

If you like, you can rent the first floor of the house just north of the Mrs. Doubtfire house. At $8,000 a month, it's totally doable with 16 people, which comes out to $500 per person. Or only eight people at $1,000 per, which is still a bargain.


Mr. Bill insisted on getting his palm read, so I let him.


Mr. Bill looks at his palm reading. It says: "Your hand indicates that your heart will soon be gladdened by unexpected news coming through a relative whom you have not seen for many years. Do not let small trifles bother you, for you possess a strong willpower and can overcome them without much difficulty. Do not be too serious but look more on the bright side of life. You will soon acquire considerable means without expecting same. Four-leaved clovers you find on a Sunday (this being your lucky day) keep carefully. Best days-- 2nd, 5th and 25th."

Those tiny black specks??? Those are surfers. The temperature? Around 50 degrees. The water temperature? #areyoufuckingkiddingme?

Mr. Bill's first cable car ride!

Gotta love a bookstore with so much history and is open until midnight. I didn't spend a ton of money in here, but I spent enough.

The poetry room, City Lights.

Mr. Bill in front of what used to be Castro Camera. A photo of Harvey Milk is in the window.

It's The Princess Diaries house!!!

Mr. Bill in front of the Golden Gate Bridge. Yes, Gloria, but didn't you get any decent pictures of the bridge? Sure I did. Hold your horses!

A pretty decent bridge picture. More to come.

Mr. Bill photobombs a bridge shot.

One of the many businesses in Haight-Ashbury.

Castro Street, where you can find...


penis-shaped cookies! I bought a brownie here, at Hot Cookie, and a bottle of water.

The world famous intersection. There's a Ben and Jerry's here. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

City Hall, San Francisco.

How can it be called a dollar store if everything is at least $1.25 or higher? I'm really bad at math, but even I know that $1.00 is not the same as $1.25.

I had to get a picture of this because it makes me laugh.

Still in the Castro.
Hanging out at the beach.

The famous Hungry I. I was tempted to go in and ask to buy a Keane painting, but I bet they get people trying that shit all the time.

Because angry, hungry bird photos fascinate me.

A pretty flower near Coit Tower. Hey! That rhymes!

Coit Tower, shortly after sunset.

Sunset, at the foot of Coit Tower, looking west.

Coit Tower again. Chris Columbus in the foreground.

Coit Tower. I love this time of the evening.

Looking south from the foot of Coit Tower.

Looking west from Coit Tower. The Golden Gate Bridge is in the distance. And yes, I got another bridge shot coming. Hold your horses!

The foot of Lombard Street. See the video of me driving it here.

Every time I look at this, I can't believe I took this shot.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Mini Movie Monday!

Giant music box at Musee Mechanique, San Francisco, California.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Tonight's Playlist

Deep Forest, Deep Forest.

James Kochalka Superstar, Don't Trust Whitey.

New age meets "whack and roll." I needed some "cleaning the house" music that wouldn't make me cry. These albums are not really associated with anything traumatic or wonderful in my life, so these were safe choices tonight.

I actually met James Kolchalka at Wizard World Chicago several years ago. I'd never heard of him, but I bought his CD which is a crazy mix of what sounds like a Casio keyboard and funny lyrics. He also draws comics, and his American Elf is basically a graphic diary. He also autographed the CD for me and drew his Elf character on his photo on the lyric booklet. I didn't know he ended American Elf, but you can read a little bit about it here:

Monday, December 21, 2015

Mini Movie Monday!

It's  too bad this show is off the air. That date I had back in the spring would have made the "Blind Date Hall of Shame" no doubt. If I ever go out again with a stranger, I am insisting on a background check. At this point, I think I am totally entitled AND justified in asking for one. If the guy doesn't think so, he can go fuck himself. A gal's got to do whatever it takes to stay alive.

Shit Like This...

Makes me want to wipe out this entire town. Do you think she just might have issues with men for the rest of her fucking life??? Wish I  could kill this guy and not get caught. I'd be doing society a favor, but if he ends up in prison, I am  sure he'll be  "taken care of."

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Considering the Way the Semester Started...

I want to say it was the greatest comeback in a little over 2,000 years...but that's exaggerating.

Just a bit.

This is how I'm feeling right now:

Friday, December 18, 2015

Happy Birthday, Avid Fan!

My biggest fan has a birthday this month. I don't know exactly when it is, but Happy Birthday, Avid Fan!

Whenever it is/was.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Blind Date is so Entertaining

Not an original video from me, but it's so much fun to watch!!!!!!!

Tonight's Personality Forecast for Gloria...

Mostly mute with a 100 percent chance of awkwardness.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Tonight's Playlist

"Sexyback" --Justin Timberlake. Probably the only song he's done that I like. Total guilty pleasure.

"Hermetico" --Balkan Beat Box. I belly dance to this one. Thanks, Jason Derulo, for your crappy song that turned me on to this great song. If you're going to steal sample, sample from the best.

 "Move It" --Balkan Beat Box. Another one to move your body to.

"Tom's Diner" Suzanne Vega (DNA Remix) This is the only version I care about. I move to this one too.

"I'll Do You Like a Truck" --Geo da Silva

"Everybody Dance Now" --C+C Music Factory

"YMCA"-- Village People

"Boy Hangover" --Lester Lewis featuring Bonnie McKee

"Pimpin" -- Tian and Styliztic

"Cat People (Putting out the Fire)"--David Bowie

"Various Disgraces"--The Blam

Yeah, I'm watching "Cafe Disco" from season five of The Office.


Right now, it is warmer in Fort Wayne than it is in San Francisco.  AND our real estate is cheaper!!!!!


Friday, December 11, 2015

Wait, What?

Within the past 30 days, I've been described by two people as being "charming" and "very aggressive." I would not choose either one of these terms to describe myself. And I wonder if I really would know how to describe myself to people. It's disconcerting to be seen by others in a way so totally different from how I perceive myself.

The person describing me as "charming" was in Corte Madera, California. The person who said I was "very aggressive" was in Fort Wayne.

I'm convinced this town brings out the worst in me.

Perhaps the next time I am meeting someone to get help with a project, I should crawl in on my hands and knees and keep my head down and tucked to the side. Wouldn't want to appear to be "too aggressive."

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Happy Birthday Dad...Wherever You Are...

Dad would have been 93 years old today. He usually had a serious look on his face, but he liked jokes and puns. So here's one he might have enjoyed.

What well-known, inexpensive noodle dish is irritating to the city of Chicago?

Rahmen Emanuel.

Try the veal, folks. I'll be here all week.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Mini Movie Monday! AND an Anniversary!!!

This is some sort of giant music box thingy at Musee Mechanique. It had a warning on it, saying it wasn't considered "music" as compared with our modern definition of it. But I still think it was more interesting than anything Justin Bieber has made.

Also, this is my 400th blog post!

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Sunday Night Playlist

It's a short one.

"Condemnation", off the Songs of Faith and Devotion CD.

"Judas", off the same CD.

"World in My Eyes", off Violator. I went to see them in concert on this tour, and we had to get some people to push my friend's car so she could drop it into second and drive home. I remember talking to some people who were following Depeche Mode across the country while they were on tour and how cool that sounded.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Something is Not Right

After a mango margarita and a cini-roll martini, I'm laughing like a maniac and want to go shopping.  It's a little after 1 a.m. Shouldn't I be a little tired???

Monday, November 30, 2015

Mini Movie Monday!!!

This isn't one of my videos, but I love it. I see myself as Charlie, surrounded by people who are somewhat delusional and wildly optimistic. I haven't been invited on a trip to Candy Mountain, but because of this video, I'll be wary.
Plus, I'll keep an eye on my kidneys.

My Weekend Playlist

This doesn't include the stuff I am forced to hear at work. This is what I chose to listen to the last couple days.

Schoolboy Crush--Average White Band
Seventies funk from Scotland. I love anything from the 70s.

Beach Bump--Baby Ford
Late 80s electronica/house/whatever. Get up and dance!

Fetish--Baby Ford
More electronica.

Early 90s house music. Just a little higher, indeed!

Sunlight Bathes our Home--Clinic
If cowboys made dance music, I think it would sound like this.

Turn to Stone--ELO
More from the 70s.

Hooked on Bach--Louis Clark and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
Yeah, it was published by K-tel. This was back in the day when you could release an instrumental and it would be in the Top 40. AND be popular. (This wasn't released as a single though.) Dad bought me this album, which I listened to constantly.

Joy--Apollo 100
Released as an instrumental. Showed up in Boogie Nights. Epic.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps--Doris Day
Going retro here. Doris needs to know if her potential lover is going to shit or get off the pot. An earlier, classier, more sultry version of Single Ladies.

La Habanera--Yello
Swiss electronica with a touch of Latin American music. If this doesn't make you want to get up and dance, you're dead.

Pinball Cha Cha--Yello
More Latin influence on this one as well. If you still don't know who these guys are, if you've seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off, they're the Oh Yeah guys. Are these guys worth a listen? ¡Claro que si!

Saturday, November 28, 2015

More Inappropriate Workplace Hilarity

One of my department co-workers was talking about a customer. Apparently the customer was shaking primer by hand at home, and when he opened the lid, the primer exploded onto his face.

My favorite manager was asking my co-worker about the incident, when I said, "it's such a bummer when men explode all over themselves."

The manager looked at me and said something like, "I don't appreciate those kinds of comments directed at young men such as myself and your co-worker."

I just smiled. I can get away with shit like this because I am DAMN good at my job (I had a customer ask for me by name tonight) and because this particular manager loves me like a daughter.

Even though I'm much older than he is.


Monday, November 23, 2015

Mini Movie Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't forget to post the video! And this is a brand-new video! I drove down the famous Lombard Street!

Take the Survey!

Doing research for one of my grad projects, so if you read erotic fiction, take my survey. It's totally anonymous, so unless you are dumb enough to sign your name, I won't know who you are.

Take the survey here:

I would like enough responses to put together a fancy graph for the proposal, so it looks like I actually did research.

Sunday, November 22, 2015


It's all fun and games until your co-worker sticks her finger into your mouth.

Saturday, November 21, 2015


Less than 48 hours after returning from a totally validating week in San Francisco (seven agents are interested in my manuscript), my car breaks down. Then, I forgot to take my house key and jump drive off the key ring. My neighbor, who has my spare key is not home. I had to call a locksmith.

Thanks, Fort Wayne. I missed you too*.

*Not really.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Mini Movie Monday!

There are complaints that video games are super violent, but back in 1800 whatever, or perhaps 1900 whatever, you could pay money to see a hanging. Behold, The English Execution.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

National Lampoon's California Vacation

After worrying about it for weeks, I'm in California for a writing conference. So far, so good.

Mr. Bill was a stowaway. He hid in my new handbag, and then complained about being hungry. I explained to him no way was I shelling out $4 for a tiny fucking can of Pringles. Once he saw the prices, he understood.

So we shared a Coke Zero (it was free) and some pretzels I brought from home.

Mr. Bill was very impressed with the view from steerage economy class. We got lucky--the person who had the center seat didn't show up. More leg room for me and the lady sitting in the aisle seat.

Mr. Bill catching a nap. I can't sleep on the plane.I fly so infrequently, it's tremendously exciting when I do, and that interactive screen that showed the maps and all the different views and what the outside temperature was way better than an $8 movie.

I saw a chair like this in a 'zine, and that chair was going for $1,600 in an vintage furniture store in NYC. It's a "Jacobsen Egg Chair." However, the person who wrote about it for the 'zine paid something like $25 at a thrift store. Modern In Designs has a chair just like this for a mere $695. A real Jacobsen Egg Chair would run you around $5,999. I'm gonna see if I can drag this downstairs and have the guy at SFO shrink-wrap it for me so I can take one home. These have to be the coolest chairs at San Francisco International Airport.

Somehow, I'm not surprised to see a yoga room in a California airport. But it makes sense--after sitting for hours, a good stretch is just what you need.

Due to the unfortunate placement of this sign, I will forever associate San Francisco with Starbucks, even though I know Seattle is to blame.

Since my novel is in a hot genre, if I get an amazing book deal, this is my next car. It's only $88K and change.