Showing posts from January, 2013

Wanting What I Can't Have

I've had bad experiences with men. All my life it seems, I've not had luck with men. People don't get it when I try to explain, and I usually get the "have you tried women?" question. No, I haven't and no offense to any lesbians reading this, but I am NOT interested in women. My crushes have ranged from classmates to gay guys (sigh) to one of my college professors.

For a long time, I just didn't notice men. I don't know why. Maybe it was my horrible brother, the guys who bullied me in school, or whatever. It's very, very hard when you try to do the right thing, and you still get dumped on. How you deal with it depends on what kind of person you are. Some people pick up guns and start shooting. Others cut themselves. I just got more and more depressed, and looked in the mirror, and wondered what was wrong with me. It wasn't a recent problem, it's been going on ever since I can remember. It doesn't matter how I act, men don't like me…

Reaching that Nostalgic Age

I think I've read enough Mad magazine articles or lists circulating on the Internet that say, "You know you're getting old, when ..." I've reached that age, I think. A few years ago I mentioned 45 r.p.m.'s in class, and no one knew what I was talking about.

Anyway, I was on YouTube tonight, looking at a video for "Head Over Heels," by Tears For Fears. It's a pretty safe bet that if I want to start crying, all I have to do is look at videos or listen to music from my past. For me, it's like binge drinking. Why do I listen to stuff that's going to make me cry? Why does a binge drinker drink? Because we can.

The last eight years of my life have been bad, but I think it started even earlier than that, in the year 2000, when my dad died. From then, little by little, then in big leaps, my life has sucked since then. Personal illnesses, 9/11, mother dying, financial ruin, discovery of what I SHOULD be doing for a living ... I don't know. So…

The One Thing I'm Actually Conservative About

I know, I know. You're shocked. I'm actually CONSERVATIVE about something? Yes. And the thing I'm conservative about is something that people are so "whatever" about, regardless of which way they lean. I may have written about this before, so if I have, forgive me.

The thing I'm conservative about is family. I hate the whole "baby daddy," "baby mama," "blended family," "single mom with boyfriend," "single dad with girlfriend" thing. I especially hate the "moms with multiple kids from multiple dads" thing. But a lot of people seem to be okay with the American family resembling a rather strange neighborhood where mom and dad don't seem to be around. I don't have kids. I knew they wouldn't be in my future either, with my screwed-up relationships when it comes to men (thanks, bro, and all you bullying assholes from school.) A sperm bank might have been an option, but considering my job histo…