Showing posts from July, 2009

I Thought This Video Was Funny and True

Sung To The Tune of "The Brady Bunch"

Here's the story,
of a great big uterus,
that was causing some discomfort to this chick.
All of it was self-contained, but rather full,
it made the chick look fat.

Here's the story,
of a great big tumor,
that was hanging out in this fat chick's abodomen,
she was bloated, all of the time, and sometimes had the runs.

Til the one day when the doctor said "enough now"
and told the chick she had to make a choice
either hysterectomy or U.A.E.
And so she raised her voice...

That tumor's lunch, that tumor's lunch
and that's the way U.A.E. gave it the crunch.

Hell's Fucking Kitchen

Made the mistake of leaving my television on Fox and walked in to hear Gordon Ramsay (why do people with British accents seem to strike terror in the hearts of Americans? Simon Cowell, Anne Whats-her-face from "The Weakest Link) and now the Kitchen Nazi. Red team vs. blue team during the shrimp cleaning challenge. Apparently the ladies lost. I've worked in a restaurant, and it totally sucks. And I really don't want to think about the people preparing my food. I love to eat out too much, but watching this show will ruin it for me, which is why I don't plan to watch it again. Also, I've never seen so many people on a reality show say the word "fuck" so much, but then, it's been a long time since I've watched Jerry Springer.

Schedule, Schmedule

They messed with my schedule again at work. It's a little disconcerting. Someone suggested I just set up a cot in back so I am at work. That way, I won't mistakenly think I have a day off when in reality I don't.

Truth is, times are tough. Some of the summer help is gone. And the legendary "Hundred Days of Hell" really hasn't materialized. Sure, we've had a couple days where our department got slammed, but if it's this slow NOW, I wonder what fall and winter will be like. Good thing I have a second job starting soon...

Recognition, Writing and The Tumor

Today, someone said they read my column while they were eating breakfast. Another person suggested I write about customers. I must say, it's nice to finally get some recognition for my column after ONLY FIVE YEARS OF WRITING IT.

The customer column might be fun.

Only nine more days until my tumor goes on a forced diet. I will be happy if this takes a couple inches off my abdomen. After I saw the size of my tumor, it's no wonder doing all those stomach crunches didn't make a damn bit of difference. I could have done a thousand of them a day and lived on celery and water, and I would have lost weight, sure, but I would still have the tumor, and no chance of a flat stomach.

Yes, It Is A Baby Racoon

While out and about today, I ran into that famous nature actor, George COONey.

It IS a Tumor!

I looked at the rest of my MRI films tonight with fascination. In one of the pictures, it looks like I'm pregnant. No wonder I have to pee a lot and I sometimes have to go to the bathroom very suddenly. I've also been working on my Governator accent, saying, "it IS a tumor!"

I Am Gloria's Tumor

This isn't one of those Rohrshach (or however you spell it) inkblots, this is a photo of an MRI scan taken yesterday morning of my pelvis. That big black blob in the middle is a fibroid tumor. It is 12 centimeters across. For those of you who don't speak metric, imagine a grapefruit. Now, imagine a grapefruit that is a little bigger than normal. Imagine that in my uterus.

We are gonna try and starve that fucker off. Stay tuned.

Into The Tube

Going for a pelvic scan tomorrow, then a consultation as to where to go next in terms of treatment.

Random Musings

I haven't been doing much with the digicam lately, but last night I taped a couple things and tonight I worked on my Daphne/Summit "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" video. I need more footage of them. Right now, I'm piecing what I have together, but the timing won't quite be right until I have enough footage. I want to match up some of the action in the video to some of the lyrics. Fortunately, the program I have (Magix Movie Edit Pro 15) will allow me to be precise on the timing. I already have an idea for another video, but will have to wait until TRF in order to get footage.

This cool weather is great on work days. It means if we have to carry something (and we always do) we don't get too sweaty. I wish I could control it so it warms up enough on my days off so that I can go swimming. It does seem really strange though, a week ago I was trying to cope with the heat and humidity, and yesterday I was regretting I wore shorts and a t-shirt. Had to put on a hoodie …