Trying to Make a Change

I'm kind of tired of the way things are going in my life, so I'm trying to make changes. One of them is trying to exercise more. I'm really kinda tired of being overweight. I think there's also something going on with my digestive tract, and hopefully I can find a doctor to figure out why I sometimes throw up in the mornings while I'm having a bowel movement. It's a little bit distressing.

On a more positive note, I'm trying to eat better, although I've had some bad sugar cravings lately. I've been piling on the chocolate. However, when I got on the scale this morning, I only weighed two pounds more than I did the last time I was on the scale, so that isn't bad. It certainly could be worse.

I try to have realistic expectations. I will be okay if I don't get back to my high school weight of less than 120 pounds. If I can lose 30 pounds, that will be something. The problem will be finding the time to exercise. I actually do like moving around, it's finding the time to do it. Sometimes I get frustrated with work and I get mad and say, "fuck it" and eat what I want. But hopefully, things will stay fairly calm and I'll get my lunches consistently instead of not having time to sit down and eat all day.

But what is spurring me on to make changes is seeing my friends and acquaintances. Most, if not all of them, are fat. I went out the other night, and I noticed that of the other women at the table, I was the thinnest. And considering I could stand to lose 40 pounds or so, that's saying something. The men at the table were all fat, some morbidly obese. And one was complaining about the so-called new regulations for truck drivers. Supposedly, they can't be more than 240 pounds and their blood pressure has to be under a certain number. I don't know if this is true, but one of my friends says she's heard drivers talking about it. The complaining guy was easily obese. The problem with Americans is that they value their "freedom," but once that freedom gets them into trouble, they want to be bailed out. If you eat whatever the hell you want, and don't bother to exercise, if you hit 400 pounds, is society obligated to help you out?

I've got a friend who is in poor health; he is in and out of the hospital frequently. I feel bad for him. He's a year younger than I am, but if he sees 50 I will be surprised. However, ever since I've known him, he has been morbidly obese. And right now he is miserable. Add smoking to the equation, and things get even worse.

So even though I'm fat, I'm kinda sick of looking at fat people. Because I'm surrounded by them. If I hang out with friends, all we do is eat and drink. Forget about getting out of the house to play laser tag, or go skiing, or even for a winter walk. Even when it's nice out, it's pointless to get them to do anything besides a cookout.

Fat isn't healthy. It just isn't. Being a little chunky is one thing, but flat-out obesity is starting to bug me. I may have to struggle with my weight, but even if I only lose another five pounds, I want to be able to jog at least a half-mile without collapsing. I can do that now, but I don't want to get any heavier.


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