EdgeofGloria

A little bit better. My school projects were glanced at by one of my instructors, and she says I'm on the right track. So that's good news.

I've been depressed lately, and self-medicating with food, which isn't helping. I can feel my left knee hurting a bit, which is a good sign that I've gained some weight. Also, the food just doesn't taste as good as I thought it would. And needing to be near a toilet when I gorge myself on a huge meal (because I usually eat greasy food) is not too cool. Because, when I gotta go, I GOTTA GO. So, I'm on a juice fast again. I'm hoping I can eventually break through this plateau and get to my goal weight. It's more than I should actually weigh, but I don't think I'll see 120 pounds ever again. If I do, it's because I've won the lottery and I can spend 4-6 hours a day exercising, because I'll have time to do that sort of workout. I've been avoiding schoolwork. I have some stuff I should read, and I'm a bit behind on it, but I don't think it's anything I can't conquer. I'm still worried about my major writing projects...

I forgot to post earlier. I try to keep this updated on Tuesday and Saturday, but I haven't done anything fun lately, and I've been kind of depressed and frustrated. Working hard on a writing portfolio for class and sweating about my papers, one of which I re-did because I couldn't stand the thought of getting a B minus.

Is not what I expected. Feeling foolish and lonely and pretty much wondering why I fucking bothered. I've not learned a single thing in eight weeks that will help me with teaching. That flushing sound is what two grand sounds like going down the toilet...

Didn't get to sleep until after 7 a.m. this morning. Planning to go to bed soon, because tomorrow's day is LOADED.

Could have gone to Cedar Point todsy instead of last Saturday.

Is not lifting and I'm feeling worse. I'm terrified I'm going to really screw up school. I worked and worked on a paper and I'm getting a B-. A B-! Don't think I've EVER had a B- English paper at the college level. Bear in mind, B- is equal to failure at the level where I am. On the positive side, I guess a B- is a good grade considering I had no idea what I was doing for the assignment ...

Has sort of ebbed away. I'm still a bit angry, but resigned.