So, I Wrote This ...
https://bust.com/living/194778-damaged-little-girl-inside-woman.html
So, nearly two months ago, I had a revelation about something that has bothered me for decades. I was at one of my jobs, thinking about things, and a few hours later it dawned on my why I've felt that men hated me.
It finally made sense that they didn't necessarily hate me, but I was expecting them to relate to me in a way that was impossible for them to comprehend.
It also points out how devastating sexual abuse and bullying can be, especially when it comes to looks. Sometimes the inner voice can be devastating, but listening to the outer voices can be even worse.
I'm hoping that my life will change for the positive since this burden has been lifted. I had no idea how much it impacted my mental health. When the realization hit me, I actually did feel lighter, like I'd solved the ultimate math story problem. For decades, I couldn't figure it out, and despite therapy and anti-depressants, the only person who made the connection between the sexual molestation, my inability to accept men for who they were and my loss of what I call "social capital", was me.
I regret that it took this long, but maybe it's meant to be. Maybe life unfolds the way it is supposed to, even though sometimes it takes a long time, and sometimes the answers don't come at all. In the article, I write about the bullying and how in elementary school, things seemed okay with my classmates, but they abandoned me once we ended up in middle school.
I felt that 2018 would be a big one for me, and I was right. Hoping there are more big, positive things in store.
So, do I still hate men? I am not sure that I do. I am not sure that I trust them, but understanding their viewpoint a little bit more helps somewhat. It's still frustrating and unfair, but at least I have that information at my disposal.
Anyway, read the article. It's my first article in a big deal magazine. Told you I had a feeling 2018 would be big.
So, nearly two months ago, I had a revelation about something that has bothered me for decades. I was at one of my jobs, thinking about things, and a few hours later it dawned on my why I've felt that men hated me.
It finally made sense that they didn't necessarily hate me, but I was expecting them to relate to me in a way that was impossible for them to comprehend.
It also points out how devastating sexual abuse and bullying can be, especially when it comes to looks. Sometimes the inner voice can be devastating, but listening to the outer voices can be even worse.
I'm hoping that my life will change for the positive since this burden has been lifted. I had no idea how much it impacted my mental health. When the realization hit me, I actually did feel lighter, like I'd solved the ultimate math story problem. For decades, I couldn't figure it out, and despite therapy and anti-depressants, the only person who made the connection between the sexual molestation, my inability to accept men for who they were and my loss of what I call "social capital", was me.
I regret that it took this long, but maybe it's meant to be. Maybe life unfolds the way it is supposed to, even though sometimes it takes a long time, and sometimes the answers don't come at all. In the article, I write about the bullying and how in elementary school, things seemed okay with my classmates, but they abandoned me once we ended up in middle school.
I felt that 2018 would be a big one for me, and I was right. Hoping there are more big, positive things in store.
So, do I still hate men? I am not sure that I do. I am not sure that I trust them, but understanding their viewpoint a little bit more helps somewhat. It's still frustrating and unfair, but at least I have that information at my disposal.
Anyway, read the article. It's my first article in a big deal magazine. Told you I had a feeling 2018 would be big.
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