Friday, May 22, 2009

Blah Continued

I am still feeling very blah and that there’s nothing worth living for. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do. Everything seems like an uphill battle. Tonight, I went for a drive and I went shopping. I’m still not at that point where I can let go of money and not feel guilty about it. I got some good news about my second job the other day, so hopefully I will be earning some extra cash. That’s always good.
I guess I need a goal. I’ve been feeling really tired lately. Guess it’s due to my low iron. I need to start taking iron tablets again, and some fresh vitamins. Better nutrition wouldn’t hurt either. I’ve been addicted to eating out lately, and the only thing I am looking forward to is where to eat when I get off work.
I am also afraid to touch my computer. It’s running slow. Everything got wiped off it because I took it in to get it looked at. I backed up what I could. I had to reinstall some things and I am terrified that my digital videos won’t work on the computer because of some codex thing. I have other software I can use, but I think my best bet is with Windows Movie Maker. I’d rather stick with one program and learn it.
The weather should be helping my mood, but all I want to do anymore is either go for long drives, or surf the net before I go to bed and sleep as late as I can.
People are really starting to get on my nerves too. Right after my mom died, I was terrified, because it’s like “now what do I do?” I realize I based my career choices on what I thought mom would approve of, and never moved out of the house because I thought she needed me. In later years, she did, but I didn’t realize I’d be shooting myself in the foot by not doing more career-wise when I was younger. I regret not moving away when I was younger and trying to do something with my writing then. I guess that’s why I feel like my life is over, and from here on out, it’s going to be nothing but working two jobs, being tired all the time, and then death.
Sorry this posting is so gloom and doom. But it’s what I’m feeling right now.

No comments: