It's Time for another "Where Do You Meet These People?"

Subject: male
Location: Fort Wayne, Indiana
How We Met: grad school
Length of relationship/friendship: n/a

My need to talk ruined this one, which is why I recommend getting a therapist. They are NOT supposed to talk about you.

I signed up for a class I thought was going to be great, but turned out to be really disappointing. It was frustrating, and having to do service learning wasn't something I'd bargained for. The place we were working with was incredibly disorganized and the CEO couldn't be bothered to meet with our class.

It was safe to say that pretty much everyone in the class was disgusted. Some more than others, and that was me. There was a male classmate who seemed as upset, if not more, than I was. One class, he was grumbling more than usual, and I decided it might be nice to ask him if he wanted to talk after class.

Please bear in mind that I was not attracted to this guy at all whatsoever. That was my first mistake. I forgot that if you are a woman, you should never, EVER approach a man unless you are attracted to him. If you ask a guy out for coffee and you think he's completely gross, you are opening up a can of worms.

I wasn't interested in this guy at all. Because the guy is GROSS. I don't know what I was thinking, asking him if he wanted to talk about class. This guy looked like your basic homeless guy. He wore pants with bizarre patterns. It was like he wore his pajamas to class. He had long hair and a beard and reeked of cigarette smoke.

When we got the restaurant, it was okay for the first hour. Then we started talking about personal stuff, and that's when things got ugly. I told him about my problems with men, and I didn't get any sympathy at all, because, ta da! I was talking to a man! He was trying to make me feel better by saying I had nice breasts and that is just one of the worst things you can say to make a woman feel better. I mean, I see my fucking breasts every damn day. I KNOW I have nice breasts. I remember what I wore that day, and I felt weird about it. I was wearing my women's Cincinnati Bearcats shirt, and when I put it on, I felt a little self-conscious. It's not the kind of shirt that I would normally wear, because it was form-fitting with a V-neck.

And yes, it called attention to my breasts, and he commented on them. It's really tacky and creepy that he did that. I want some understanding, but instead I got yelled at. He told me because I've given up on men that I should join a convent. I told him I wasn't religious. He said it didn't matter, I should just join a convent since I've given up on men. I started to cry, and eventually I went to the bathroom. We were finished with our food at this point.

I came out of the bathroom and as soon as we got out the door, he started yelling, "did I make you feel like shit!? Huh? Did I make you feel like shit?" I was shocked and just wanted to get the hell out of there, but the FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT CREEP FORCED ME TO HUG HIM.

I finally out out of there, but I felt dirty. I felt dirty, and angry at myself that yet again, another man treated me like shit and still copped a feel, sort of.

And during the time we were talking, he mentioned a girlfriend in Florida, where he was moving after graduation. Uh huh. Sure you've got a girlfriend. A few minutes after that, he insinuated that I should have asked him to go out sooner. I should have said, "well, since you have a girlfriend, I guess it's a good thing I didn't." Girlfriend, my ass.

And how the hell did it turn out this way? How the hell do I ask a classmate if they want to talk after class and it goes into the toilet so fast? I'm more angry at not answering his emails and basically not telling him what a sleazy, disgusting asshole I thought he was. After all that, he sent me two emails and asked me to call him.

He claims he's moving to Florida. So I guess I could have called him and basically ranted at him, but this guy (who told me he has a class D felony) is scary. He was furious that this place we were doing the service learning wanted us to take a drug test. I didn't think that was so out of the ordinary, because pretty much any job, especially a low-level retail/factory/service industry requires a drug test these days. There's every chance that if I call him up, or email him as to how disgusting I thought he was, that he could contact the college, and I'd be the one in trouble. He plans on teaching and I wonder how that's going to work out for him. He doesn't communicate himself well, and having a master's in English means he'll be in contact with more women than men, I'm thinking. I know judging people by the way they look is very harsh, but we all do it. I think tattoos are disgusting. I don't like facial hair on men. I don't like when people reek of cigarette smoke. And yes, I'm in no way perfect. I don't know why I'm so bitchy and judgmental. I think part of it is being bullied by boys in high school who basically said, YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE UGLY. Hey, if you are going to criticize me almost to death, you shouldn't be surprised when I start picking you apart. And I'm incredibly picky when it comes to men. Pretty much no one measures up, and the ones that get my attention are married. ALWAYS. Fucking ALWAYS.

Because of this incident, I'm never asking out a man again ever. It's not like I'm in danger of that happening. I'm not exactly at a datable age or weight, and I've pretty much accepted that fact. I know the kind of guy I want, but I'm not going to get that guy. Why? Because until I become the kind of woman that the kind of man I want wants, I'm going to be by myself. Since I can't shave off 20 years and order myself up a great job so I can fix up my house, and working out four hours a day is a drag, I won't be going out at all. Because I don't want to date someone I'm not into.

I know women who purposely go for the bigger guys. Not me. I love Cedar Point, and skiing, and the last thing I want to happen is to date some huge slob of a guy who is 5'9" and weighs 300 pounds. I get with a guy like that, we won't be going to Cedar Point or skiing. I know that sounds horrible and judgmental. Don't care. I just don't fucking care anymore. I'm surrounded by men who are unattractive in EVERY sense of the word: shitty personalities, felonies, cigarette reek, clueless, mean, trashy fucks. I would rather fantasize about a man I can't have (and I've had a horrible schoolgirl crush for nearly two years on an unattainable dude) than risk asking yet another so-so/gross guy out "just to talk" and have him think I want to sleep with him just because I asked him to talk.

FUCK YOU ALL. Men are assholes until they prove themselves otherwise. And Lord knows, that's just way too much work. Just fuck you. And fuck that class D felony trash can/ walking ashtray that looks like a woman's worst nightmare.

This is what I want to do to my former classmate:


Anonymous said…
Just lose weight. If you aren't attracting the sort of men you want it's due to your girth. Stop with this, "men are bad" nonsense.
Gloria said…
Nice try. Men were shitty to me even when I was skinny. Care to explain that?
Anonymous said…
Maybe it's your shitty attitude. Somehow men are supposed to treat you like royalty while you pour hate on 300lb men who (supposedly) won't be able to go skiing with you?!
Gloria said…
Yup, that's exactly right! Because the times I've been skiing, I've never seen anyone who weighs 300 pounds on the slopes.

And when I was skinny, I was really kind of shy and didn't have a shitty attitude because I was being physically abused by my classmates (boys) and verbally abused by them too. I just sat there and tried to mind my own business, but because these guys were violently opposed to me, they decided to hurt me. When you're abused over and over and over again, and it's not like you're stepping in anyone's face, you're just minding your own business and you get dumped on, you wonder why the hell they are being mean to you.

I was pretty much okay with people until it seemed like boys kept dumping on me repeatedly. So what am I supposed to do? Only a masochist would go up to one of them and say, "hey, keep hitting me over the head with a book. I LOVE it."

Of course, if I were a boy and girls were making my life hell, it would be totally acceptable to hate women and possibly even kill them. Because I'm a woman, I'm supposed to accept it. And, by the way, fuck you, Dan.
Gloria said…

A couple of weeks ago I met some men who were polite to me. They were kind, funny, complimentary, and there was one in particular that I definitely want to see again. I don't think they thought I had a shitty attitude. If men are going to be hostile or indifferent to me, I certainly hope they don't expect me to smile and fall at their feet. It's called RESPECT.

You'd be surprised--I get with the right guy, and I can enjoy myself a lot. But sadly, men don't want to make the effort at manners, polite, intelligent conversation. Yeah, I expect kindness, respect, and manners from men. It sorts out the riff raff. And incidentally, your posts are not advancing the notion that men are understanding, nice creatures. Instead of attacking me, you might want to get to understand WHY I feel this way. But yeah, that's too much work. And I don't want to know you anyway, because you sound like a jerk.
Anonymous said…
I'm not attacking you -- merely reacting to your hateful post regarding 300lb men. Seriously, adopting the criteria that your date must be able to ski is sort of ridiculous.

"And incidentally, your posts are not advancing the notion that men are understanding, nice creatures."

That's not my objective. I'm just commenting on the weird man-hating vibe that is emanating from your post. You remind me of guys who hate women because they're consistently being turned down, etc. In a way, you've become the very thing that you despise.
Gloria said…
So I've become an overweight man who is mean to women?

I LIKE to ski. So it makes sense that if I ever found a guy I was really excited about, he would either like to ski, or be willing to give it a try.

You're not getting it. I'm pretty active, and I would like someone potential dates to be active as well. I've had at least three friends who were very heavy die young because of complications from BEING heavy. I really don't want to date someone who just wants to sit around and eat. I LIKE to sit around and eat, but I also walk, and ski and am able to get through a day at Cedar Point and ride the rides I want, because even though I'm overweight, I'm not huge.

I don't think I ever said in my post that my date MUST be able to ski.

I wasn't born thinking men were horrible. But years of being picked on, and told I'm ugly, and hit over the head with an English workbook by boys didn't really help my self-esteem, you know?
And I was minding my own business when this was happening. It's not like I slapped a guy in the face and he attacked me. When you try and be positive and happy, and upbeat and men still treat you like shit, you start to question things. Like, what the hell did I do wrong? Why did the boys pick on me? Why, even though I try to be a good person, are men crappy to me? Why, when I try to explain myself, they basically are hostile to me, and when I start to cry, they just sort of blow it off? It's exhausting. Just right now I tried to explain myself, and you probably didn't bother to read this far because it's too much work for you.

You're just another guy who doesn't get it, who doesn't understand.
Anonymous said…
I had another response but I deleted it. Good luck with everything.

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