It's Election Night, 2012, and yes, I've voted. I was thinking about this election, and the insanity surrounding it, and realizing that I'm now part of a demographic that is ignored. I am a single, never been married, childless, middle-aged, college educated woman. No one cares about us. And certain men HATE us.
The reason for the hate is because we've bucked the trend. Instead of getting married and having kids we couldn't afford to raise (after our husbands/boyfriends left us) we got college degrees and remained single and childless.
I never had kids for a number of reasons. First off, I really didn't want any. Secondly, I never seemed to meet a guy who would make a good father. I figured the cut-off year for having kids was about age 35 or so, as fertility rates go down, and the probability of birth defects goes up. I guess I didn't work hard enough at finding a guy, but considering the shitty treatment I've had from men in my life (my brother was the first and probably worst offender) I wondered why I wanted one so badly. I don't want one anymore.
I am certain I made the right choice. I've battled depression for several years, and passing on the possibility of gloom and doom, as well as heart problems, diabetes and cancer to a future child wasn't something I was interested in doing. And after I what I went through in 2008, I am glad I didn't have a child to watch me cry and scream and freak out and wonder what the hell I was going to do. However, I am resentful of the fact that if I did have a child, I probably would have received help. A single woman? Who cares? A single woman with a child or two? Poor dear, here, have these WIC vouchers and food stamps. I know the kids didn't have any choice to be brought into this world, and I don't like the idea of hungry, homeless kids, but it makes me mad that in this society, I am seemingly worth nothing because I don't have a husband (not even a bad, abusive one) or kids.
I'm also mad at one of my co-workers who broke up with her jackass boyfriend (I used to work with him; and he was a chauvinist asshole if there ever was one). I told her that she deserved better. That was a few months ago, she got back with him and now she's pregnant again with her second child (both of them are fathered by the jackass). This makes at least three illegitimate kids (it might even be four, I'm not sure) that this guy has. Of course, he won't marry her, and of course, his name is the only one on the house. So if they break up again, she will have to either go back home to her mom, or find another place to live. Why do I care? Why is this my business? Because (and I realize this might be interpreted as an anti-feminist thought) I think women bring poverty upon themselves by getting involved with losers. This woman was in school, studying to become a nurse. Now, she has a toddler and another baby on the way, and a job as a part-time cashier. Her pig of a boyfriend jokingly asked me where his refrigerator was when he stopped into the store a few weeks ago. (We used to work in the delivery department together.) He asked me in a condescending way, and I did not respond. If I see him again and he makes a smart remark, I think I'll ask him just exactly how many illegitimate kids he now has, and how I thought conservatives believed in family values, and it was the liberals who are having kids out of wedlock like it's no big deal. This is one aspect that I am very conservative on, because as a society we've really gotten away from the family unit. If you have enough responsible people around you to help you raise your child, fine. Have your kids. But if you are hooked up with a scurvy, lazy idiot who looks out for his own skin but who doesn't care about you if you break up, and you're dumb enough to have kids with him, why should my tax dollars support you and your stupid, self-defeating decisions? You look at me like I'm some sort of freak, but my college degree, my intelligence and use of birth control have given me an edge. I may be poor, but I'm poor by myself. I'm not subjecting kids to an endless parade of new boyfriends, new places to live, and not enough food, and not enough family time due to a crazy work schedule.
So yes, your lifestyle may just influence mine, especially if you rely on tax dollars for your survival. I never got any help from the government when I was scraping by in 2008. I look at that with a source of pride, but also with a bit of wonder. Thanks to a few people I knew, I was able to get through that horrible time and get back on my feet, but the help I received didn't come from the government or any blood relatives.
Go ahead, call me a freak. Call me a freak because I don't have kids or a husband. I'm a freak because I gave parenthood some thought, and realized I couldn't do it the way my parents did it. And I never met a guy who was man enough to respect me as a human being. I refuse to put on an air of phoniness to catch a guy. I am who I am, and if being myself frightens men, then tough shit. If you grow a pair of balls, put down the video game controller, the Mountain Dew and grow the fuck up and achieve something with your life, I just might be interested in you. But this is Fort Wayne, and the menfolk around here are scared of women like me. But considering the lame ass males that pass for men in this town, why would I want any of them to father my children? I'd end up with depressed, video-game obsessed lumps who don't drink anything but Mountain Dew and energy drinks and who won't achieve anything in their lives, unless you consider having illegitimate kids an "achievement.". And she'll HAVE to work, because you know, those Call of Duty marathons are just so awesome, and having a job would like, totally interfere with that.
So suck on that, you woman-hating assholes. You may have forgotten me, but I don't forget.