Creepy? Creepy How??? March 19, 2016

Meme by Tim S.

Here is another installment of wacky dating profiles and my mean-spirited responses. I feel like the well is running dry on horrible profiles, so I'm on a couple of other websites. Enjoy!

Get this out of the way first: A lot of women seem to be looking for guys who make over $100,000/year. Less than 5.63% of the entire US population makes this, which in the town of Jackson, assuming 1/2 the population is male (about 4700?), 5.63% of that leaves you with somehow around 260 (but we all know that this is very unlikely to be the reality) so really, you are probably talking about more like 80 guys in town for all you gold diggers, and then...what are the chances these guys, if smart, dont know that women might 'use' them for their money, and if not that, then they are alcoholics, narcissists, emotionally unavailable, and beyond? Wait-! what about that essential 'chemistry' and all that other yummy stuff that love is suppose to bring-did you forget about that so you could drive around in a Mercedes? Who cares!? Theres likely fierce competition for these guys, from what I can see, so, wow, doesn't sound like love, sounds like a battle. I am sure that ALL the 80-100 eligible males here are not all on Match.com, either!- so I think we may be talking about maybe 5-10 guys currently? If that! A swanky vacation and a big house and nice cars has won the battle for your heart and soul? Ouch. Your heart will slowly crack under the lie. 4 women on here (Jill, Mami, Stacy, etc) have rejected me because of my 'income' essentially, which is actually in the 20% of the US income wage earners. And In all cases they are not truly 'self made' women as far as I can tell. So you own a house here in Jackson? It is highly likely because of your previous marriage(s) that you have one, or a trust fund-family money-etc, not because you earned all that money yourself. Hmmm....Oh well: I know what I am looking for here on Match, and it isn't MONEY-go to your bank (etc) if you want more of that.

Good luck. I think you gold diggers are really going to need it.

Hello, you...lets dance! but first, listen close (please): I am seeking a "fiercely intimate' relationship or, if its what works for us the best, a good and amazing friend. We can all use more good people in our lives, right?

Wow dude…I think you just won for worst profile ever. This one can be summed up with, “I hate all you bitches…now will you fuck me?” He needs to join an incel website. I’m sure he would vote for a government that would force women to hook up with men, just so these guys get laid on a regular basis.

Many people say physical appearence doesn't matter, it's what is on the inside that does, but to be honest and have a fulfilling relationship there must be a physical attraction to make our relationships complete. I'm sorry about not posting a pic but I feel that we can give out way too much info on these sites and a picture can lead to unwanted advances when other on-line people see us in the real world.

I’m sorry you’re hideous looking, AND making lame excuses for not posting a pic. As for me, it’s just a coincidence that in my picture, I look EXACTLY like Megan Fox.

Out door fun loving active woman ..... no drama....... baggage .....one small carry on.......I am going to fill the quota for characters with dots............................................................

He’s not elegantly wasted, he’s brilliantly lazy.

well unless you are a buckeyes fan a steelers fan and enjoy fishing and hunting more than any thing except for maybe sex and are into fat bald rednecks then I guess you should not waste our time. this online thing sucks and is a big pain in the but. theres three weeks of membership left .so if you check this out and that is what your looking for then you will have to figure out what bar i am at

Hurry, fans of fat bald horny rednecks--this catch won’t last long! His membership is up in three weeks, so get a move on!

You should treat a cab driver or a homeless person the same way you would a CEO

You mean call them greedy assholes and kick them in the balls? What did the fucking cab driver and homeless person do to deserve that sort of treatment? Spill oil on beaches?

I have no-kids,(I Love kids) no-pets & no-ex's!I

Yet, he’s divorced. Is your ex still considered your ex if you murdered them?

There's blood in my mouth cause I've been biting my tongue all week".

There’s blood in my mouth because I’m a vampire.

God Bless Lawyers, such wonderful people!

Your lawyer paid you to say that.

profile not complete

Y you no complete—oh fuck it.

To end this up, smile and be happy 24/7!!!

When I was on the dosage of meds my doctor prescribed, I WAS happy 24/7. But I was driving off the side of the road and leaning to one side in class and giggling at inappropriate times, so the doctor scaled the dosage back. I miss drunk me.

could you be the one?

Oh, probably not.

If you’re interested in learning more email.

This is why commas are important.

Lets chat, meet and get to know one another - what's the worst that could happen.

 I could end up murdered.

100% mooney back guarantee

I’ve heard this phrase a “cowsand” times….get it? Cowsand???? HAHAHAHA!

If you have been single 10 years or you're so broken you can not love please pass me by.

Well ladies, if you have a prison record or spectacularly bad luck with men, this one’s not for you. In fact, if you’re broken, you don’t deserve love or happiness or a good life, so you might as well kill yourself, because if you are a woman without a man, you’re worthless. Go fucking fuck yourself you judgmental piece of shit—oh wait. I’m just as judgmental. Oh hell, fuck you anyway.