I'm in the process of reading another of Janice Dickinson's books. This one is called Everything About Me Is Fake ... and I'm Perfect! It's a great read so far. But what's really holding my attention is what Janice is saying about men. Despite being married and divorced three times, she still goes out on dates, but comes forward and says that men are pigs. But, she also says not to to give up on them. She feels they should be treated like pets--if they screw up, put them in the doghouse, and not call them.
I've been treated like shit by men, but Janice's father was a fucking pedophile. My dad was great to me, for the most part, but my brother sucked. Then, the boys at school made fun of me. I came across some old pictures of me, and I WAS a mess. I feel like I'm still in my awkward stage, for fuck's sake. But why did I allow guys to make ME feel inferior? Why? I'm accomplished (college degree, self-published a couple of books) nice, helpful, and I've never been arrested. I'm not a druggie, a drunk or a whore.
Yet I feel slighted when huge, blubbery guys don't think I'm attractive. I could jog circles around them, ski around them, and I'm letting THEM get ME down? Fuck that! And thanks to Janice, I'm starting to realize I need to worry about me for a change. I'm eating better, I'm exercising, and while I've not lost a lot of weight, I'm making progress. I'm cutting back on the crap and cutting back on food in general. And if I can get my body looking better, I'll feel better. I can own clothes that are a bit more fashionable, and start looking good even if I'm going to the grocery store. Because I didn't make the rules, I'm going to have to woman up and work on my body and looks. Men will never give a shit about my college degree, my intelligence, my curiosity about the world, my travel and my enthusiasm for roller coasters and skiing. However, if I'm rocking a great bod, THAT might get their attention. And one of my favorite fantasies is looking as good as I possibly can, then basically hook men and humiliate them. I'd love to be wearing my little black dress and the heels I can walk in and go to a bar and have some Fort Wayner dude in a sweatshirt and jeans come up and talk to me and basically say to him, "you are not dressed well enough to talk to me. Go home and put on a dress shirt, slacks and tie, and then come back and talk to me. If you don't want to do that, get the fuck away from me."
I've read I don't know how many self-help books, but Janice's books are really resonating with me. Even if I never go out on another date again, even if I never meet a guy who is available who really revs my engine, if I can be the best ME that I can be, and get the degree that will get me a better job and feel good about myself, that will be worth it.
Thanks Janice, for showing me the way.