Gloria: You sound bitter.
Gloria: Probably because I am. But I don’t think I’m a monster. I think I could be really, really good in a relationship, but I have to meet the right guy. Some men think it’s all about the money. Being nice to me doesn’t cost a cent. I went to a writer’s conference in November, and I met some agents. All of them were pretty nice, but one in particular was really nice. He said to me, “I hope you have someone at home who tells you how wonderful you are every single day.” I thanked him, but said I don’t have anyone like that. I almost started crying in front of him.
Understand where I’m coming from, and if you’re willing to be patient, you’ll be rewarded with someone who won’t cheat on you, who is a pretty good cook, bakes awesome cookies, and is affectionate, energetic, always up for a road trip and is downright passionate and thoughtful. But I give as good as I get. If you’re not going to work at the relationship, don’t expect me to work at the relationship. I did that once, then realized the guy wasn’t putting forth an effort. I wish I had left earlier.
Gloria: So…..what about polygamy?
Gloria: I don’t share. I have a theory about women who want a man so much they are willing to share him with three or four other women. Low. Self. Esteem. Like, REALLY low self-esteem. That might work for some women, but not for me. Why would you want to be some guy’s third-string bench warmer? And women in a group are usually okay, but we can be vicious. Add a guy to the mix, and all that sisterly solidarity goes right out the fucking door. We are going to knock ourselves out competing for El Schmucko, and try to one-up each other, and the asshole is going to sit back and grin because he’s got women competing over him, feeding his ego, which is way bigger than his dick. “Women are fighting over me! Awesome!” Go fuck yourself!
Gloria: So size is important?
Gloria: For men it is. Personally, I think the sexiest part of a guy is his brain.