More Dream Dude! The SEX part!!! (Part one of several)

Yes, I KNOW this is really long, but aren't you glad I broke it up into shorter segments? Because I didn't really want to leave anything out. I'm anal retentive like that. (But I'm not into anal--just thought I should make that clear.)

Gloria: What about sex?
Gloria:I like a cool bedroom for sleeping. I mean temperature-cool, not necessarily aesthetically cool.

Gloria: That doesn’t have anything to do with sex.
Gloria: We have to talk about this?

Gloria: Well, your ideal guy will probably want sex.
Gloria: I don’t want to go into too much detail. You know the kind of creeps I attract!

Gloria: Give me something, at least.
Gloria: Okay—no threesomes, no public sex and no fucking other women while we are together.

Gloria: That’s it?
Gloria: That’s all I’m telling you. I will save it for the guy if/when the appropriate time comes. But one thing he’ll never have to worry about is me cheating on him. I could be dropped butt-naked on an island full of men and he wouldn’t have to worry that I’d want to have sex with anyone. I could be with my guy in a room full of men I think are totally hot, but I wouldn’t want to be with them. I’d just want to be with my guy. I couldn’t live with the guilt. Plus, men hate me. It’s impossible to cheat on someone if the entire opposite sex hates them. Besides, if he is my ideal guy, why would I want anyone else? Oh, something else I thought of.

Gloria: Yes?

Gloria: I know that guys are all about the sex, but there’s something else that just ramps the creep factor up. I’ve seen some of the texts my friends have gotten, and there is nothing more disgusting than reading about what some guy wants to do sexually. It’s usually worded in an incredibly vulgar way. I’ve had someone on Facebook comment on my posts, and it’s usually some over the top sexual reference. He offered to make a porno with me. I’ll never date this guy. Never. If I think you are some drooling pervert, forget it. You’re done. I get the fact you’re a guy and you think about sex 24/7. But you don’t have to keep reminding me of it. We both know you want sex. There’s a way to communicate to a woman that you are seriously interested in having sex with her without coming across as icky or date-rapey. A lot of men don’t know how to do that. Whatever happened to guys being “smooth” or “suave”? It’s like the men today have bachelor’s degrees in drooling perversion or something. Criminy dutch!****

****Google it!


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