Saturday, February 6, 2016

Hey! It's another installment of Creepy? Creepy How???

Meme by Tim S.
I'm having a blast making fun of ridiculous dating profiles. And from the looks of my stats, people are digging them. So here are some more from the interwebs. My snarky comments are in boldface.

am intelligent, bright and quit-witted guy
Because being “quick-witted” is just so overrated.


Qualities I love about my Wife
So why does it say “divorced” in your dating profile? Did she help you compile the list of the qualities you love about her?

Old women adore me.
Yup, that is the NUMBER ONE quality men brag about! Come here, grandma! You are looking HOT today!

My medication cabinet consists of Motrin, vitamins, and some random crap. (still wondering how stool softeners got in there.)
Dude, I know EXACTLY how that butt plug got into MY medicine cabinet!

i am also a bad boy, so your secrets are my secrets. i am fully experienced in full body massages and mine are free the first time
So I have to tell you where I buried the bodies? Uh, no thanks. And if I have to pay you to massage me, it looks like you are looking for clients, and you are NOT supposed to solicit on these sites!

Well, I actually AM a fart smeller
That’s great, because I was really wondering about that. I’m so glad I know.

I’ve been told my smile lights up a room
Then why are scowling in your profile picture?

I have been in the restaurant business for over 20 years and 14 years as a General Manager. I have worked in Private Country Clubs, Black Angus and Buffalo Wild Wings. My current restaurant is extremely busy. We are #3 in sales out of 1,100 locations. I have 115 employees working for me so I have 115 personalities I deal with everyday.
This isn’t a dating profile—it’s a fucking résumé!!!

Love my older kids
Does this mean you hate the younger ones???

*sigh*200 characters is way too much)
So I take it you won’t be participating in NaNoWriMo???

Intellect is a turn on. I've long been fascinated with neutrinos and dark matter/energy blah blah blah.
Then why do you use non-intellectual talk?

You won't find me at the bars or trying the latest pick-up line (because nothing beats "hubba hubba"
Wrong. Nothing beats, “Hey sweetie, I love to shop, and I love it when you spend my money. And you don’t even have to give me blowjobs!”

I am an artist and was a ballerina so I love to dance.
Hold me closer, tiny dancer?

My daughters are my soul however just as I'm typing this my youngest just fell off the bed for no reason whatsoever!!
Wow, top-notch fathering skills! Served with a side of skull fracture!

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